Where did I do wrong

I would never be good enough for anyone else. All my life I've been told that I never put enough effort in everything I do. Ever since I was a kid, the people around me never forgot to tell me, "you don't have any effort", "work harder" and it never stops, even until now. It's like all the efforts I've done just suddenly went unnoticed.

I don't know where I did wrong but I'm so tired of people telling me to put more efforts and whatnot. It seems like I would never be good enough for other people no matter how hard I try to. I am never enough.

Or maybe it really is my fault. Maybe they're right. Maybe I don't try hard enough. Maybe I don't work hard enough. Maybe I need to change.


(Or maybe this girl really has no effort in living anymore)

all grown up

How do you know you've grown up and changed?
1. When sleeping at 11 pm is a blessing.
2. When you have no problem skipping breakfast.
3. When you don't give a damn whether you pass by getting a B or a C. Passing is passing.
4. When you wake up to the sound of your alarm, not your mom's voice.
5. When you have to make a group conversation if you want to hang out with your friends.
6. When you don't open social media through your laptop anymore.
7. When going back home to your old bedroom is better than taking vacations.
8. When you arrived at home after months of being away and realized that everything and everyone looks different.

p.s: I really miss waking up to my mom's loud voice. She never really wakes me up anymore, even if I'm home.

Yearbook

"I've said farewell so many times before, but it seems like in saying goodbye, practice doesn't make perfect."

-My yearbook.

And that line really kills. Goodbye is never easy. No matter how many times you've said goodbye.

A piece from the past

I am only a harbor on the ocean.
People only come to me when they need a rest,
when they need something.
I am a place where no one stays.
Everyone comes and sails away.

And then you came.
The lonely harbor became more alive.
The ocean seemed bluer.
The wind blew peacefully.
The birds sang prettier.

But I am a place where no one stays.
Like everyone, you sailed away.
Taking away my blue ocean, peaceful wind and pretty birds.
And now I am a haunted harbor,
Forever haunted by the beautiful images of you.


-written on January, 15th 2012.


p.s: I don't even remember what this poem is all about.
p.p.s: THIS IS MY 100TH POST!!!

"Human would never be satisfied enough. If it is possible, human would put moon inside their pocket just for the heck of it."

Talks are cheap

Some people are all talks and show no action. Some other talk less and show actions.

Most people are the first one. They talk and talk and talk but when it comes to do the action, they show nothing. Their words and actions are so different. Their words are bigger than their actions.

And that includes me. My words are always greater than my actions. My actions never justify my words. My words are sometimes only lies.

But talks are cheap, buddy. Talks are cheap.

No ending

You can study me for as much as you like. You can learn me, observe me, but no one could ever understand me. For I am so different from what you see through your eyes.

To understand, you have to be me, put yourself in my small shoes and see the world through my eyes. And you'll understand why I keep silent. You'll understand why I keep my mouth shut. You'll undetstand why I keep it all inside.

And no one could ever understand me. No one could ever be me. No one could ever be someone else.

You can only study people. Most people are like books. They wanted to be read, to be appreciated. But some people are like teachers. They teach you everything, they make it easier to study them.

And I guess I am a book filled with chaotic story. The kind of book that only a few people would buy in a bookstore. The kind of book that people leave in the back of their bookshelf.

The kind of book with no ending.