dear me

dear past me,
You're lucky to have such an amazing family who will always love you even after all those stupid careless things you've done. You've met so many people and you've made so many amazing best friends who will always keep your feet on the ground. You've been through so much. You've endured so much pain and sorrow. You've fought all your demons and fears. You've experienced heartbreaks and separations and you've cried so many tears and yet you never gave up. I know you felt like giving up, you felt like you are nothing and there is no hope for you. But still, you found the light in the darkness. You found that hope you've been searching for. You found the meaning of life. You finally realized that life goes on and everything will be alright in the end. Dear past me, thank you. Thank you so much for not giving up. Thank you so much for making me who I am today. Thank you so much for the lessons. Thank you.

dear future me,
I hope you've learned from your previous mistakes. I hope you've learned that life is not easy and you have to keep fighting to survive this world. I hope you've learned that people will come and go, that some people are not meant to stay forever. I hope you've learned not to depend on others, I hope you've learned that sometimes, you only have yourself to depend on. I hope you remember all the people who had been there for you through every up and down and I hope you will not take them for granted. I hope you can accept the fact that you can't do everything right and people will always judge and I hope people's judgments will not break you down. I hope you've learned that you cannot trust everyone so easily, please stop being so gullible. I want you to be stronger. I want you to be a master of your own world, but you have to know that you cannot control everything. You're allowed to make mistakes because people do that all the time. Please take every chance that life throws at you. Don't be afraid to get hurt because you've been there before and it didn't kill you. And please, please, please be happy, because you deserve it. After everything you've gone through in your past, you fucking deserve to be happy. Please be happy, I'm begging you.

Garden

You gave him a key to your heart, and he entered it so fast that you didn't even notice it and he was just suddenly there inside your heart, taking a stroll and marking his territory. Then he planted all types of flowers inside your heart and as the flowers grew, your heart also bloomed with them. He made you and your heart happy. He didn't stop there. He started to learn and figure out your heart until he became the master of it. And before you knew it, he was already owning your body and soul. No, he owned your world, your universe. Your sun rose and set around him and without you knowing it, your world had become the slave to him. Yes, a slave. Because suddenly there was nothing you wouldn't do for him. Because suddenly you felt like you weren't good enough for him that you would give up everything you owned to make him happy. You gave him everything and anything he wanted until there was nothing left of you to give. Then, he got bored with you and he decided to leave your heart. He ripped your heart in two and left so abruptly, so carelessly, throwing the key you gave him and taking all the flowers he had planted before and what was left inside of you was only the hole where the flowers used to grow.

And until now, you don't know how to fix that hole he made. 

dead wishes

'how are you?' he asks,

and I wish I could tell him,
how badly I want to run my fingertips
through his hair;
I wish I could tell him,
how I long to be encircled in his arms;
I wish I could tell him,
how much I yearn to put my lips on his,
and taste the roughness of his lips;
I wish I could tell him,
how much I think about him when the dark swallows the sun;
I wish I could tell him,
that I never stop loving him,
that I still love him, with every inch of my broken heart
I wish I could tell him,
that even after he shattered my heart,
the pieces of my brokenness still can find a reason
to love him, unbrokenly.

But I tell him what I always tell everyone,
'I'm alright' and like everyone else, he believes me.

They were young and in love

He said he would move heaven and hell just to see her smile

To marry her was his life's mission,

And funny how things changed.

They got old, 

and their love got cold.

Struggling to stay in love.

Heads under the table, 

searching for the love they once had.

Hair got grayer,

and hearts got blacker.

He finally put up his white flag

"I give up, my dear. For, it is harder to stay in love than to be in love."

And she put her head back under the table,

Maybe she can find the remaining pieces of her broken heart.