There are some songs that will always remind you of someone or something or just anything. That songs that make you instantly think about something when you hear them playing. 

I was listening to I Miss You by Miley Cyrus earlier and I instantly thought about my grandpa. And then I scrolled through my songs and its funny how I always thought about someone when I saw only the songs's title. I saw Starship and Still Into You and I thought about my friends and I singing to those songs so badly. I saw Black and Yellow and I was brought back to the time when I went to Bali with my friends. I saw Eminem's songs and I remembered all those time when Sekar and I would try to remember every lyric and then we would sing it out loud and we'd feel so cool because we know every word of that song. 

And now I'm wondering whether some songs have reminded you of her, the way some songs have reminded me of him.

I've been feeling so down lately and all I want to do is to curl up on my bed and cry my heart out. I guess I'm still missing home and everyone from back home and I'm just so tired of everything and everyone. I don't even have time to take a rest and have fun. I'm just so tired. Both physically and emotionally.

It's funny how you thought you have stopped missing someone but then you see something or hear something that reminds you of someone and suddenly that feeling, the feeling of missing someone, comes back and you finally remember the reasons why you miss someone in the first place.


I hate flashbacks

when homesickness attacks :/

Because eventually, you'd miss all those little things you thought you wouldn't miss.

Like how I miss my mom waking me up at 5 am everyday, like how I miss my mom forcing me to eat breakfast and telling me how important breakfast is. Like how I miss my little brother knocking on my door and yelling my name. Like how I miss my brother making fun of me. Like how I miss my father telling me to stop going out too often. Like how I miss going to my grandma's house when there's nothing to eat at home. Like how miss every dead plant my father tried to grow. Like how I miss our small fishless pond or our mango tree and our not so green grass and how my mom and I would water the grass together every sunday right after we wash my motorcycle. Like how I miss seeing my brothers fight. Like how I miss fighting with my brother because he always annoys the shit out of me. Always. And right now, I would pay him money just to annoy me. That's just how much I miss him and his annoying voice.

And all those things are what I miss the most right now. All those things I thought I wouldn't miss when I'm gone turn out out to be the things I miss the most.

And I guess missing home makes me learn how to appreciate my family more. Missing home makes me learn that no matter how far I get in life, home will always be a place to come back to.

whatever will B will B :] (part 2)

So I was scrolling through all my blog posts and I literally facepalmed myself when I read my posts from years ago. But then I stumbled upon my second post in this blog and the tittle is 'whatever will B will B' and it was a post from 2012. Almost 3 years ago.

In that post I was talking about me being a 16 years old teenager AND RIGHT NOW I AM ALMOST 19. NINE FREAKING TEEN. 19. 1 TO THE 9 AND NEXT YEAR I'LL BE 20 AND ITS REALLY FREAKING ME OUT.

Okay, back to topic.

In that post I found some interesting quotations and questions that my 16 years old made and right now this 18 years old me would like to talk about the wonders of her old self.

1. "I can't imagine myself 2 years later... I will face my collage life, no longer wear my school's uniform, no longer have my friends there, away from my parents and brothers, live in my own place.... It'll be just me, myself and I. Just to think about it make me wanna scream out loud."

first of all, ITS COLLEGE NOT COLLAGE!!! OH MY GOD WHY?!!! I CAN'T STOP FACEPALMING MYSELF UGHH!
Second of all, it should be 'Just thinking about it makes me...' *sighs* can't believe I am correcting my own grammar..........
Well, I'm in college now and I am living in my own place now and it isn't that bad. Sure, sometimes I miss my family and friends and everything from back home and it makes me sad every now and then, but that is life. There's a time when you need to leave and there's also a time when you need to come back because you know there's something worth coming back to. And besides, I've got my new friends here and it's not only me, myself and I.

2. Will I still have my high school's bestfriends 2 years later? 

Yes, you do still have your high school's bestfriends, dear 16 years old me. They're all still here and I believe they will be here for such a very long time. I miss them sometimes. I really do. And I wish they were all here but maybe the absence does make the heart grow fonder. And it's good to miss people and have them miss you back.

3. "It's not the person who changes, its the time that changes a person. I'm afraid that everyone I know and can count on will change into the person that is very...... different. I'm afraid they will change into the person they promised they won't. And even worse, I'm afraid that they'll turn their back on me. My thoughts sometimes can scare me and eat me alive."

And you're right. Time does change people without them realizing it. Maybe I am right now is so different from who I was 2 years ago. Maybe I've changed a lot, maybe I haven't changed, maybe I am better now or maybe I am worse. But people around you will realize all those changes that are happening in you. And you cannot avoid the changes in life. It's okay to change as long as you never forget all the people who are there for you through every change in your life.

And I'm still afraid that everyone I know and can count on will change into the person they promised they won't. Because that happened to me before. I had this friend whom I thought was my bestfriend but then she just suddenly changed... and now, we barely talk to each other. It's sad, but maybe what she is right now is what she wants to be, maybe what she was back then was just a mask to hide her true self. I don't know.

Well, some people will always turn their back on you, dear 16 years old me. You've been there before and yes, it didn't kill you. Don't trust too easily so that people will not have something to use against you when they turn their back on you :)
AND YES MY THOUGHTS STILL SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF ME AND EAT ME ALIVE. I WISH THERE WERE A SWITCH BUTTON ON MY HEAD SO I COULD SHUT EVERY THOUGHT THE HELL DOWN.

4. I can't picture myself getting older. I don't wanna grow up.

Well... I still don't want to grow up. College is surprisingly better than high school (minus the homework and assignments and all) and sometimes, I wish I could freeze the clock from tickling.

And that's it.
In the beginning of that post, I worried too much about college and now, college turned out to be perfect (again, minus the homework and assignments and all) and I literally worried about everything back then. And maybe what I can take from that post is that I need to stop worrying about things because sometimes there are things that you thought will turn out bad but in the end, they turned out to be amazing instead.

And there is also someone whom you thought is bad for you but in the end, maybe that someone can be the best for you. Who knows?

Really. I need to stop worrying too much about everything and just let the universe surprise me. Everything will turn out good, hopefully.

Oh, by the way, in that post I also talked about me wanting to be a president and guess what? I still have that dream somewhere in my brain :P

And I'm going to use my old signature to end this post just for the heck of it



Much love,



Salma<3


P.s: here's the link of whatever will B will B part 1