AAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHH

MY HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE ANYTIME SOON

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

EVERYTHING WAS ALREADY BACK TO NORMAL BUT THEN I GET A LOT OF ASSIGNMENTS AND MID-TERMS FOR NEXT WEEK AND I AM ALL STRESSED OUT!!

SO INSTEAD OF DOING MY 25 PAGES LONG WRITING, 2000 WORDS ESSAY, 1000 WORDS ESSAY AND OTHER CRAPS, HERE I AM COMPLAINING AND BITCHING ABOUT IT.

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

WHY DOES UNIVERSITY LIFE HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS WHY WHY WHY

WHY CAN'T I REST WHY CAN'T I TAKE A BREAK WHY

The nights get a little bit darker
And there's no stars to illuminate the dark.
The nights get a little bit longer
And there's no lullaby to sing you to sleep.
The nights get a little bit lonelier
And there's no moon to talk to.

Excerpt from a book I'll never write #12

I no longer want to be a poet or a writer who writes about you anymore. I, for once, want to be an object. I want to be someone's poem. I want to be the sole reason why someone writes. I want to be the main character of someone's story.

And one day, you'll write about me. About how you regret leaving me. You'll write about how you could never be able to find someone who loved you as much as I did. And when that day comes, I'll already be someone's poem, just like how you were my poem before.

Hi! Things have been going out of control lately and I decided to make my blog private for a while. I need to let things out so I wrote everything that was on my mind without filtering it and I don't think it's something I would like everyone to read.

Now that things are getting a little bit less chaotic, I decide to make it public again and of course, I deleted some of the posts because I think they were way too honest and personal.

I don't even know what's wrong with me, but I hope things will go back to normal soon because I have realized whatever situation or feeling I am in now, it doesn't only hurt me, but also the ones who loved me and I loved back in return.

It's like I am walking absentmindedly in a big desert. I am lost. I have nowhere to go. Nothing.

truths be told

There's something that has been bugging me a lot these past few days. The problem is, I don't even know what it is but I know there's something wrong going on within me. It's not like I am unhappy or depressed but I am not happy either. I am not enjoying whatever it is I am supposed to be enjoying. I find myself space out a lot during classes, my mind drifts away so easily. I still talk and laugh a lot but it feels different. It's like I am there with them laughing and talking but then I feel like I am not really there talking and laughing. I often find myself wanting to be alone a lot. During classes I usually bury my nose on my book, so that no one would bother me. I've been craving to be alone so much. I spend my time laying on my bed, doing nothing and thinking about nothing. I just lay there, period. My mind is empty. Blank. Nothing. And having nothing going on in your brain is worse than having so many things running through your mind. Believe me. It is bad. And to make it worse, I cannot sleep at nights. I always fall asleep at 2 am-ish these past few days. So I just lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling and my mind is empty. I feel nothing. Nothing at all. But sometimes I feel like crying because of the circumstances I am in. I mean, it's better to cry than to feel empty.

I don't know. I really don't know. And it's going to be another long night for me. And I am tired of waking up so early, doing the same routine everyday, making sure everything is done. I am tired of everything and also everyone.

Sometimes I wish I could make a time machine and turn back time. Now that I've grown up I realized that what I'm doing and where I am right now is the result of my past. And there are things I would like to undo, things I would like to unshare, words I would like to unsay and feels I would really like to unfeel.

I wish I could go back and turn some of the yes' into no and turn some of the no I had said into yes. I wish I could say all the words I had left unsaid and maybe if I had, things would be different now.

But maybe people are meant to only go forward, not backward. Maybe some people and things are meant to be left only in the past.

We have a different path of life, afterall. Maybe someday we'll cross paths with our past again and things would be different.

She can be a lil bit useful sometimes :)))

"Who cares about the numbers? We're all in the search for the right ones. If you leave someone, then it means there's something about that person that makes you uncomfortable. But if someone chooses to be with you now, then it means there's something you have that the others don't." -D

They finally met

One died to let one live. One hid to make one be seen. One shone to make one bright. One stood still, one went in circle.

Once in a blue moon, they crossed path. Only for not more than 3 minutes.

Dark. It was what happened when they met. But God, never had we, human, seen so much beauty in darkness.

Excerpt from a book I'll never write #11

"I love him. I really do. But not in the way I used to love him years ago. Not with the same burning fire and sparks anymore. I think I love him the way people love things or places. Like how I love beaches. And if one day I am forced to stop going to beaches, I would be devastated. I'd miss all the things I love about beaches. The sand, the waves, the birds and everything. But in the end, it won't hurt me. Well, maybe it will, but not that much. But God, will I miss it so much."