Spilling the beans

I'm so tired of having the urge to cry every night, even though I have told myself so many times not to cry, I still cry anyway, over what people say stupid things.

I'm so tired of sleeping at 2 am with teary eyes and wet cheeks and then waking up feeling so drained, lifeless, and tired.

I'm so tired of being happy all day long and bottling my feelings up for a day only to spill everything out at night.

I'm so tired of keeping it all together so well that no one, not even those people who are so close to me, knows about my anxiety, self-hatred, and panic attacks problems.

I'm so tired of hating myself so so much and constantly asking and doubting whether I am good enough or not, and ended up answering myself that I am such a failure and disappointment and that no one would actually miss me if I were to disappear forever.