Hello again

Well, hello again, I guess. I really don't know what to write and it's sad. I used to be able to write about anything. I used to be able to put my feelings and thoughts into words, even though sometimes they're messy. I used to be a writer and a storyteller of my own and now I am confused.

Reading everything I have written here makes me feel sad, nostalgic, pathetic, and happy. A lot has happened and I feel like I want to write it all down but I don't know where to start. Some things have gotten better some have gotten worse but I guess that's life; things won't stay the same and its just inevitable. I got a job I like. New friends I enjoy being around with. New life in Jakarta; a city I have always wanted to live at. A city I often glorified when I was in my teenage years. I wasn't wrong tho, Jakarta is great. I like the tall buildings and its blinding lights. I enjoy the rush of the capital city and all its busy people and streets. But turned out Jakarta doesn't feel like home. Yet. Maybe someday it will. But maybe Jakarta to me will always be a busy city I love to live in but never a comfortable home I could rest my bone at.

I also feel myself changing a lot in the past few years. There's no denying that adulthood is hard but there's something about adulting that forces you to learn a lot of things that you couldn't have learned when you were a teenager. I understand responsibilities, the values of time, what is worth keeping and what isn't. I learn a lot throughout the years and it has been such a wild ride. I dealt with the feelings I thought I wouldn't get over with. I made peace with my past self, with all the unforgiving things I did back then. I am learning how to handle my grief. I am learning to not let everything stand in my way. I am learning myself better, learning who I actually am.

Sometimes I still complain about my life but really, deep down I know I am grateful for the life I am leading right now. Sure, it wasn't the most fantastic one but maybe I need to stop comparing. I need to start to learn how to see things in a more positive ways.

Anyway, we're kind of in the middle of a global pandemic right now AND WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT I WILL LIVE IN AN ERA WHERE THERE IS A GLOBAL PANDEMIC?! Mindblowing. Things are a bit harder but maybe I will survive, maybe I won't. I hope this won't be my last post.