I'm thinking about making a new post because I have nothing to do now.
My last post was very sad and kind of depressing lol and its only the first month of 2015 and I don't think starting the year with depressing post is good. Where's my new year spirit?!
Anyway, I think I'm going to make some resolutions for this year (even tho I know I would do none but whatever I'm bored)
So the first resolution is that I want to keep in touch with my friends from back home. I know it sounds stupid but its so hard to hang out with my old friends now. I mean I'm already home and I can't even hang out with them, our schedule is just different and its kind of funny how we used to have the same schedule back then in high school and we didn't actually have to make plans to hang out because we literally met 6 days a week and now we have to make plans and its so hard to make plan via social media. I just miss going to school and see everyone everyday and I miss ditching classes and I miss eating noodles in our school's canteen and I miss playing cards and then got busted and our cards got taken away but we still have so many cards saved in the lockers. I basically miss my friends from high school. It's not like I dislike my new friends, because honestly, they're fun and cool and all but it's just... different. I just knew them and I still can't figure everyone out. I don't know what to talk about, I don't know what they like, what they don't, I don't know their personalities, I don't know what I should do if they get mad, and sometimes, I'm afraid they'll take my jokes too seriously. But here, I know everyone here like the back of my hand. I know all my friends' personalities, I can be super crazy with them and I can insult them with the meanest words and they'll still now that I'm joking and I can be myself around them. And I just think that it'd be so sad to lose my friends just because we don't go to the same school anymore and that's why I promised myself to stay in touch with everyone from back home. Or at least, I want to keep the memories of them for a very long time.
The second resolution is... I don't even know! hmm I'm not good at making resolutions meh.
I think my second resolution is that I want to stop complaining about life and everything because honesty, I've complained a lot and it brought me nowhere (duh!). But complaining is a part of my life and it'd so hard to stop complaining! I wish I could just do something without complaining... but wish is only a wish if you make no effort to make it true. Heu. But well.... I think I'm gonna try and after all, it's better to try and fail, isn't it?
The last one (yes I think I'm just going to make 3 resolutions) is........... I want to read more books. No matter how busy I'll be this year, I must find a time to read. MUST. M U S T. My target last year was to read 45 books and I read 48 books (yay me) and for this year, I'm planning to read 60 books..... how am I going to finish all those books I don't even know.... OH! there is this cute little library that I found near my uni and it has so many old books from Jane Austen, Dickens, Bronte Sisters and etc etc and I was so happy when I found all those books and the librarians there are so nice and kind and they actually know about books and give me recommendations and I'm just so excited to come back there!
well........ three resolutions for this year and I still think I'm going to fail.... I mean hey, it's me after all, nothing goes right in my life. Blah.
BUT WHATEVER ITS BETTER TO TRY AND FAIL THAN NOT TO TRY AT ALL BYE AND HAVE A NICE YEAR EVERYBODY!
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Saturday, January 3, 2015
Um, hi,
it's been a while and I lost my diary that I left here and right now I'm feeling so many kind of emotions that are so alien to me and I really need to tell everything to someone and I don't think writing it down would be enough. I don't know whom I should talk to because it'll be so awkward and I don't think they'd understand. No one would really understand you unless they've been through what you've been through.
And I don't know what to write because sometimes, there are feelings that you can't write down into words, feelings that are so strange and you couldn't describe them in words and all you can do is feel, feel and feel. Feelings that are completely new and weird and you feel like there isn't a word good enough or bad enough to describe that feeling. Like you know the feeling is alive inside of you but you don't know what that is. And that feeling keeps growing bigger and bigger and bigger and suddenly that feeling is already filling up all your heart and then one day you feel it exploding so hard like a bomb from the inside of you and it hurts so bad but no one can see it, because its inside of you, killing you from the inside but you can feel it so clearly and you want to scream out loud and ask for help but no one would understand, no one would notice the pain you're in. But you feel it. You feel it. And you just want whatever it is to stop eating you from the inside.
Stop.
it's been a while and I lost my diary that I left here and right now I'm feeling so many kind of emotions that are so alien to me and I really need to tell everything to someone and I don't think writing it down would be enough. I don't know whom I should talk to because it'll be so awkward and I don't think they'd understand. No one would really understand you unless they've been through what you've been through.
And I don't know what to write because sometimes, there are feelings that you can't write down into words, feelings that are so strange and you couldn't describe them in words and all you can do is feel, feel and feel. Feelings that are completely new and weird and you feel like there isn't a word good enough or bad enough to describe that feeling. Like you know the feeling is alive inside of you but you don't know what that is. And that feeling keeps growing bigger and bigger and bigger and suddenly that feeling is already filling up all your heart and then one day you feel it exploding so hard like a bomb from the inside of you and it hurts so bad but no one can see it, because its inside of you, killing you from the inside but you can feel it so clearly and you want to scream out loud and ask for help but no one would understand, no one would notice the pain you're in. But you feel it. You feel it. And you just want whatever it is to stop eating you from the inside.
Stop.
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