I would never be good enough for anyone else. All my life I've been told that I never put enough effort in everything I do. Ever since I was a kid, the people around me never forgot to tell me, "you don't have any effort", "work harder" and it never stops, even until now. It's like all the efforts I've done just suddenly went unnoticed.
I don't know where I did wrong but I'm so tired of people telling me to put more efforts and whatnot. It seems like I would never be good enough for other people no matter how hard I try to. I am never enough.
Or maybe it really is my fault. Maybe they're right. Maybe I don't try hard enough. Maybe I don't work hard enough. Maybe I need to change.
(Or maybe this girl really has no effort in living anymore)
Wednesday, September 30, 2015
Sunday, September 27, 2015
all grown up
How do you know you've grown up and changed?
1. When sleeping at 11 pm is a blessing.
2. When you have no problem skipping breakfast.
3. When you don't give a damn whether you pass by getting a B or a C. Passing is passing.
4. When you wake up to the sound of your alarm, not your mom's voice.
5. When you have to make a group conversation if you want to hang out with your friends.
6. When you don't open social media through your laptop anymore.
7. When going back home to your old bedroom is better than taking vacations.
8. When you arrived at home after months of being away and realized that everything and everyone looks different.
p.s: I really miss waking up to my mom's loud voice. She never really wakes me up anymore, even if I'm home.
1. When sleeping at 11 pm is a blessing.
2. When you have no problem skipping breakfast.
3. When you don't give a damn whether you pass by getting a B or a C. Passing is passing.
4. When you wake up to the sound of your alarm, not your mom's voice.
5. When you have to make a group conversation if you want to hang out with your friends.
6. When you don't open social media through your laptop anymore.
7. When going back home to your old bedroom is better than taking vacations.
8. When you arrived at home after months of being away and realized that everything and everyone looks different.
p.s: I really miss waking up to my mom's loud voice. She never really wakes me up anymore, even if I'm home.
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
Yearbook
"I've said farewell so many times before, but it seems like in saying goodbye, practice doesn't make perfect."
-My yearbook.
And that line really kills. Goodbye is never easy. No matter how many times you've said goodbye.
-My yearbook.
And that line really kills. Goodbye is never easy. No matter how many times you've said goodbye.
Monday, September 21, 2015
A piece from the past
I am only a harbor on the ocean.
People only come to me when they need a rest,
when they need something.
I am a place where no one stays.
Everyone comes and sails away.
And then you came.
The lonely harbor became more alive.
The ocean seemed bluer.
The wind blew peacefully.
The birds sang prettier.
But I am a place where no one stays.
Like everyone, you sailed away.
Taking away my blue ocean, peaceful wind and pretty birds.
And now I am a haunted harbor,
Forever haunted by the beautiful images of you.
-written on January, 15th 2012.
p.s: I don't even remember what this poem is all about.
p.p.s: THIS IS MY 100TH POST!!!
People only come to me when they need a rest,
when they need something.
I am a place where no one stays.
Everyone comes and sails away.
And then you came.
The lonely harbor became more alive.
The ocean seemed bluer.
The wind blew peacefully.
The birds sang prettier.
But I am a place where no one stays.
Like everyone, you sailed away.
Taking away my blue ocean, peaceful wind and pretty birds.
And now I am a haunted harbor,
Forever haunted by the beautiful images of you.
-written on January, 15th 2012.
p.s: I don't even remember what this poem is all about.
p.p.s: THIS IS MY 100TH POST!!!
Saturday, September 19, 2015
Friday, September 18, 2015
Talks are cheap
Some people are all talks and show no action. Some other talk less and show actions.
Most people are the first one. They talk and talk and talk but when it comes to do the action, they show nothing. Their words and actions are so different. Their words are bigger than their actions.
And that includes me. My words are always greater than my actions. My actions never justify my words. My words are sometimes only lies.
But talks are cheap, buddy. Talks are cheap.
Most people are the first one. They talk and talk and talk but when it comes to do the action, they show nothing. Their words and actions are so different. Their words are bigger than their actions.
And that includes me. My words are always greater than my actions. My actions never justify my words. My words are sometimes only lies.
But talks are cheap, buddy. Talks are cheap.
No ending
You can study me for as much as you like. You can learn me, observe me, but no one could ever understand me. For I am so different from what you see through your eyes.
To understand, you have to be me, put yourself in my small shoes and see the world through my eyes. And you'll understand why I keep silent. You'll understand why I keep my mouth shut. You'll undetstand why I keep it all inside.
And no one could ever understand me. No one could ever be me. No one could ever be someone else.
You can only study people. Most people are like books. They wanted to be read, to be appreciated. But some people are like teachers. They teach you everything, they make it easier to study them.
And I guess I am a book filled with chaotic story. The kind of book that only a few people would buy in a bookstore. The kind of book that people leave in the back of their bookshelf.
The kind of book with no ending.
To understand, you have to be me, put yourself in my small shoes and see the world through my eyes. And you'll understand why I keep silent. You'll understand why I keep my mouth shut. You'll undetstand why I keep it all inside.
And no one could ever understand me. No one could ever be me. No one could ever be someone else.
You can only study people. Most people are like books. They wanted to be read, to be appreciated. But some people are like teachers. They teach you everything, they make it easier to study them.
And I guess I am a book filled with chaotic story. The kind of book that only a few people would buy in a bookstore. The kind of book that people leave in the back of their bookshelf.
The kind of book with no ending.
Tuesday, September 15, 2015
a little writing straight from my brain
There are so many things to think about, so many works to do but so little time and so little energy and I think it's another point of my life when I feel like everything is weighting me down and I just want to stop and forget about everything and I really wish I could stop giving a damn or two about things that are out of my control. It's frustrating. I have so many things running in my brain and it's so tiring. I zone out a lot. I overthink a lot. The 'what if's questions become worse and I really wish I could take a step back from everything and enjoy my self. But I can't. I don't like playing hide and seek with my problems and emotions. I need to get everything done and solved.
Monday, September 7, 2015
Who?
People will really do everything to relieve the pain. Everything.
But who are we to judge? We don't even feel an ounce of their sadness or pain.
Who are we to tell them what they do is wrong? We are not walking on their shoes.
Who are we to them? Who are we to the people around us?
Yeah, we don't understand what we don't understand.
But who are we to judge? We don't even feel an ounce of their sadness or pain.
Who are we to tell them what they do is wrong? We are not walking on their shoes.
Who are we to them? Who are we to the people around us?
Yeah, we don't understand what we don't understand.
Sunday, September 6, 2015
The more you grow up,
The less friends you have,
The more you realize who your real friends are,
The more you know that the less you have, the more you value them.
The more you realize who your real friends are,
The more you know that the less you have, the more you value them.
Thursday, September 3, 2015
Dear old man,
Hello.
I don't don't know why I am writing you another post. Maybe it's because our birthdays are so soon but we won't celebrate it together like we used to 7 years ago. I'm getting older and you're not. And I guess tonight is one of those nights when you casually enter my brain and force me to cry. I don't want to cry, I really don't. It's been 6 years and I look so pathetic crying over your death for God-knows how many times.
But I couldn't help it. I look for your in every man I meet. I search for at least one of your traits in every man I know. And I found nothing. I couldn't find your wittiness, your wiseness, your mischievousness or your any other traits in other people. No other man can be like you and maybe that's why I get so disappointed when people don't turn out like the way you did. I get disappointed when people don't act like the way you did. I get disappointed with the way people deal with their problems because none of them can solve their problems the way you did. I get disappointed because no one can be as good as you.
And I don't think I can admire and love any other man the way I admire and love you.
I miss you and I hope heaven's treating you well.
I'll see you when it's time for me to see you. I love you.
I don't don't know why I am writing you another post. Maybe it's because our birthdays are so soon but we won't celebrate it together like we used to 7 years ago. I'm getting older and you're not. And I guess tonight is one of those nights when you casually enter my brain and force me to cry. I don't want to cry, I really don't. It's been 6 years and I look so pathetic crying over your death for God-knows how many times.
But I couldn't help it. I look for your in every man I meet. I search for at least one of your traits in every man I know. And I found nothing. I couldn't find your wittiness, your wiseness, your mischievousness or your any other traits in other people. No other man can be like you and maybe that's why I get so disappointed when people don't turn out like the way you did. I get disappointed when people don't act like the way you did. I get disappointed with the way people deal with their problems because none of them can solve their problems the way you did. I get disappointed because no one can be as good as you.
And I don't think I can admire and love any other man the way I admire and love you.
I miss you and I hope heaven's treating you well.
I'll see you when it's time for me to see you. I love you.
Wednesday, September 2, 2015
Miracle
You can't be a miracle for the whole world.
But believe it or not, you are a miracle to someone. You'll stumble upon someone who will think of you as nothing but a miracle and you will think of that someone as a miracle, too.
Maybe he is a miracle to her, but she's not a miracle to him. Or maybe it's the other way around. Maybe she's someone else's miracle or he's someone else's miracle, too.
Too many maybes, too many possibilities. This is a big world, after all. But I know miracle will happen to everyone. Not in a form of magic, but in a form of human being.
But believe it or not, you are a miracle to someone. You'll stumble upon someone who will think of you as nothing but a miracle and you will think of that someone as a miracle, too.
Maybe he is a miracle to her, but she's not a miracle to him. Or maybe it's the other way around. Maybe she's someone else's miracle or he's someone else's miracle, too.
Too many maybes, too many possibilities. This is a big world, after all. But I know miracle will happen to everyone. Not in a form of magic, but in a form of human being.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)