...so do people.
Sometimes we wish for autumn to stay forever. But winter is near and whether we like it or not, we still have to wear our jacket and socks. Just to make sure we're safe and sound.
Be careful of changes. It is always better to be prepared for the worst.
Monday, October 26, 2015
Thursday, October 22, 2015
the universe is yours
It was Friday night and they were sitting on the rooftop, trying to catch a glimpse of stars in a very busy city. His shoulders were draped with a blanket and he was holding his cup of coffee. He was gazing to the sky and her eyes were fixated on him. Sometimes she wondered why she still loved him even after every fight and scream they'd gone through, even after she was so close to giving up. But in the night like this, when it was only them and the moon, she remembered why she loved him in the first time. Looking at him enjoying himself and sipping his coffee made her heart bloom again, he looked so innocent and it was as if nothing in the world could worry him.
"What are you thinking about?"
"Us."
"What about us?"
She shrugged, "I like us like this. Sitting in silence, enjoying each other's company even if we're not even speaking. And it's like... we got the whole world at our hands."
"Well, you're my world, so yeah, I really got the whole world at my hand," he grinned.
Oh, but darling, you got the whole universe at your hand, and what is a world compared to the universe?
"What are you thinking about?"
"Us."
"What about us?"
She shrugged, "I like us like this. Sitting in silence, enjoying each other's company even if we're not even speaking. And it's like... we got the whole world at our hands."
"Well, you're my world, so yeah, I really got the whole world at my hand," he grinned.
Oh, but darling, you got the whole universe at your hand, and what is a world compared to the universe?
Friday, October 16, 2015
so casually cruel in the name of being honest
"I don't love you anymore,"
Never in a million years did she expect to hear those words coming from his mouth. He was not that cruel. She hated it when he cursed, so he never really cursed. And at this moment, she swore she would rather hear him curse than hear him say those 4 words.
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
It was the most painful silence she had ever experienced in her life and it was always a comfortable silence with him, not this kind of silence. She never heard silence screamed this loud before. She hated it, she hated it.
"Why?" she finally had the courage to say a word. She was in the verge of crying but she never cried in front of anyone but the person in the mirror. She was trying so hard to look okay.
"It's just... different. To be honest, I don't feel anything at all anymore. It's all gone, poof. The sparks, the butterflies, they're all gone. I never wait for out late night conversations anymore, I never wait for our next romantic dinner anymore, I never wait for your hugs and kisses anymore. I lost it all. I am sorry but I swear to God I never planned this to happen this way and honestly I've tried my best to stay in this relationship, but I can't lie to myself anymore." And it was like all the weights had been lifted up from his shoulder. Finally, he whispered.
She never thought it was the reason. She thought it was because of another girl or something else. But never that. And it hurt. She wanted to go, she wanted to disappear. It hurt.
She nodded. She couldn't find her voice and if she spoke, there was no doubt that she'd cry.
"Okay then. I can't make you change your mind, can I?" She smiled. And it was that kind of sad, giving up smile. She wanted to cry so bad, she wanted to go home and bury her head on her pillow.
"I'm sorry. It was nice spending my 4 years with you but it's over. And honestly, I think you deserve someone better. So, yeah, good bye. Have a nice life." He walked away, leaving her and her scattered heart all over the floor.
She was frozen on her feet.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
She finally let out a sob. A sob that turned to cries. Cries that turned to hysterical cries. Hysterical cries that turned to silent cries. The kind of cry that didn't have any sound. The kind of cry when you couldn't stop sobbing, when you find it so hard to breathe and you couldn't stop clutching your heart because your heart hurt so much like there was something heavy sitting on top of your heart.
It hurt. It hurt. It hurt so much. But eventually, she'd get used to the pain.
Never in a million years did she expect to hear those words coming from his mouth. He was not that cruel. She hated it when he cursed, so he never really cursed. And at this moment, she swore she would rather hear him curse than hear him say those 4 words.
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
It was the most painful silence she had ever experienced in her life and it was always a comfortable silence with him, not this kind of silence. She never heard silence screamed this loud before. She hated it, she hated it.
"Why?" she finally had the courage to say a word. She was in the verge of crying but she never cried in front of anyone but the person in the mirror. She was trying so hard to look okay.
"It's just... different. To be honest, I don't feel anything at all anymore. It's all gone, poof. The sparks, the butterflies, they're all gone. I never wait for out late night conversations anymore, I never wait for our next romantic dinner anymore, I never wait for your hugs and kisses anymore. I lost it all. I am sorry but I swear to God I never planned this to happen this way and honestly I've tried my best to stay in this relationship, but I can't lie to myself anymore." And it was like all the weights had been lifted up from his shoulder. Finally, he whispered.
She never thought it was the reason. She thought it was because of another girl or something else. But never that. And it hurt. She wanted to go, she wanted to disappear. It hurt.
She nodded. She couldn't find her voice and if she spoke, there was no doubt that she'd cry.
"Okay then. I can't make you change your mind, can I?" She smiled. And it was that kind of sad, giving up smile. She wanted to cry so bad, she wanted to go home and bury her head on her pillow.
"I'm sorry. It was nice spending my 4 years with you but it's over. And honestly, I think you deserve someone better. So, yeah, good bye. Have a nice life." He walked away, leaving her and her scattered heart all over the floor.
She was frozen on her feet.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
She finally let out a sob. A sob that turned to cries. Cries that turned to hysterical cries. Hysterical cries that turned to silent cries. The kind of cry that didn't have any sound. The kind of cry when you couldn't stop sobbing, when you find it so hard to breathe and you couldn't stop clutching your heart because your heart hurt so much like there was something heavy sitting on top of your heart.
It hurt. It hurt. It hurt so much. But eventually, she'd get used to the pain.
Tuesday, October 13, 2015
The Cliché Unrequited Love pt 2
She remembered the first time she met him. It was in the beginning of autumn, just when the leaves were about to turn brown. She was in the park, staring at the trees, autumn would always be her favorite season of the year. And he was there, walking by with his sister.
Long story short, they were the perfect example of strangers became best friends. They talked about the seasons, animals, kids until the most serious thing anyone could ever imagine. She knew him like the back of her hand. She knew his favorite band, his favorite food and drink. She knew he never really combed his hair. She knew he liked his steak half cooked. She knew his favorite coffee at Starbucks. She knew that he snored whenever he slept.
She liked the way his eyes lit up whenever he was talking about his favorite band. She liked the way he bit his lower lips whenever he’s too focused on solving a problem or the way his nose turned red whenever the weather was cold. She knew everything, heck, she knew she was in love with him. She knew from the moment those grey eyes met her at the park that she’d be screwed. She knew she was going to get hurt when he first smiled at her, she knew she was going to get her heart broken when he sang her his favorite song, she knew what she was heading toward and she knew she wouldn’t stop anytime soon. She was free falling. She was in love. She was stupid.
“Hey are you ready?” he asked excitedly. Everyone would be able to see the excitement radiating from him. It was such a pleasant sight to see. He looked so utterly handsome and beautiful. His dark brown hair was slicked back and he was wearing a nice suit and tie.
To say she was nervous would be an understatement. She was planning to tell her about her feelings tonight. She had all those words she wanted to say locked inside her brain, heck, she had repeated those words in front of the mirror for so many times and yet it didn’t get any better.
She was wearing her favorite red dress. It was a simple sleeveless dress that fell down to her knees and hugged her curvy body perfectly. She matched it with a pair of black high heels and her mom’s necklace. She always thought of that necklace as her lucky charm. She didn’t forget to curl her hair and do her make-up. Everything must be perfect. Boy, did she try so hard to impress him. Little did she know what was about to happen.
“As ready as I’ll ever be.” She replied, trying to be as excited as he was and everyone but him could notice the hint of nervousness in her eyes. Well, he never really noticed everything, did he?
“You look beautiful! I can’t wait until you meet my fiancée tonight! I bet you guys would be best friends, too. Just like us.” The happiness inside of him was so unbelievable.
Well, maybe she never really knew everything after all.
Long story short, they were the perfect example of strangers became best friends. They talked about the seasons, animals, kids until the most serious thing anyone could ever imagine. She knew him like the back of her hand. She knew his favorite band, his favorite food and drink. She knew he never really combed his hair. She knew he liked his steak half cooked. She knew his favorite coffee at Starbucks. She knew that he snored whenever he slept.
She liked the way his eyes lit up whenever he was talking about his favorite band. She liked the way he bit his lower lips whenever he’s too focused on solving a problem or the way his nose turned red whenever the weather was cold. She knew everything, heck, she knew she was in love with him. She knew from the moment those grey eyes met her at the park that she’d be screwed. She knew she was going to get hurt when he first smiled at her, she knew she was going to get her heart broken when he sang her his favorite song, she knew what she was heading toward and she knew she wouldn’t stop anytime soon. She was free falling. She was in love. She was stupid.
“Hey are you ready?” he asked excitedly. Everyone would be able to see the excitement radiating from him. It was such a pleasant sight to see. He looked so utterly handsome and beautiful. His dark brown hair was slicked back and he was wearing a nice suit and tie.
To say she was nervous would be an understatement. She was planning to tell her about her feelings tonight. She had all those words she wanted to say locked inside her brain, heck, she had repeated those words in front of the mirror for so many times and yet it didn’t get any better.
She was wearing her favorite red dress. It was a simple sleeveless dress that fell down to her knees and hugged her curvy body perfectly. She matched it with a pair of black high heels and her mom’s necklace. She always thought of that necklace as her lucky charm. She didn’t forget to curl her hair and do her make-up. Everything must be perfect. Boy, did she try so hard to impress him. Little did she know what was about to happen.
“As ready as I’ll ever be.” She replied, trying to be as excited as he was and everyone but him could notice the hint of nervousness in her eyes. Well, he never really noticed everything, did he?
“You look beautiful! I can’t wait until you meet my fiancée tonight! I bet you guys would be best friends, too. Just like us.” The happiness inside of him was so unbelievable.
Well, maybe she never really knew everything after all.
Monday, October 12, 2015
You never know how much people had changed until you read the conversations from years, or even months ago.
You'd notice the differences, like how you were before and how they were before and you'd realize that people did change but so did you. And it also made you realized how much you miss some people and the way they used to be.
You'd notice the differences, like how you were before and how they were before and you'd realize that people did change but so did you. And it also made you realized how much you miss some people and the way they used to be.
Friday, October 9, 2015
The cliché unrequited love
She wakes up feeling dizzy, guess she cried too much last night.
She looks at the window, it isn’t raining anymore, and the sun is shining so bright.
She gets ready, maybe today is going to be a good day, she thought.
She puts her favorite yellow sundress, she likes her clothes bright.
“If there’s nothing bright inside of me, at least I put some bright colors outside”, she thought.
She looks at the mirror and frowns.
Her face is too pale. Her brown eyes are too big for her small face. Her hair is too thick. Her lips are weird, she doesn’t like her crooked smile, or the way she laughs, or the way she sounds.
She doesn’t like the way her body looks. Too short, too skinny, too small.
But what she doesn’t know is that there’s someone out there thinking about her every night before he goes to sleep, making all the scenes in his head where she’s finally his.
He likes her pale face, especially when she applies that red lipstick on her lips, the color compliments her face, making her look so beautiful. He would like to kiss every freckles on her face and kiss those plump lips of hers. Well, only if she lets him.
He likes her eyes, oh boy, does he like her eyes. Especially when she’s out in the sun, and her eyes look brighter than the usual. He could stare so long at those milky brown eyes and completely get lost in them, only if she lets him.
He likes her raven black hair and the way her hair falls down to her breast, framing her beautiful heart-shaped face so perfectly. He likes it even more when she puts her hair in a ponytail, making her look younger. He wonders how it feels like to run his fingers through her hair, oh only if she lets him.
He likes her crooked smile, no, he’s in love with her crooked smile. He thinks she has the kind of smile that could light up the whole world, the kind of smile that could stop any war, even the war he has inside his head. If she lets him, he would try his hardest to make her smile every day.
He likes the way she sounds. Her voice is so melodic and angelic, even when he never hears an angel talks before. He knows even angel doesn’t have that kind of beautiful voice like hers. He also likes the way she laughs, if he could, he would record her laughing and play it again and again, making her laughter the soundtrack of his life, only if she lets him.
He likes her small petite body. He likes how she would always ask for help whenever she wants to take a book from a high shelf. Her small body makes him feel the need to protect her every time. Oh, if only she would allow him to protect her.
But she never knows about that, about a story of a guy who’s completely in love with her. A guy who would give up everything just for her. A story that maybe would give her a happy ending.
She never knows and he never tells.
So she puts her white high heels on her small feet, hoping they would make her look taller.
And he puts his head back on the pillow, dreaming about a girl who is beyond his reach.
Ah, maybe love is meant to be kept alone.
She looks at the window, it isn’t raining anymore, and the sun is shining so bright.
She gets ready, maybe today is going to be a good day, she thought.
She puts her favorite yellow sundress, she likes her clothes bright.
“If there’s nothing bright inside of me, at least I put some bright colors outside”, she thought.
She looks at the mirror and frowns.
Her face is too pale. Her brown eyes are too big for her small face. Her hair is too thick. Her lips are weird, she doesn’t like her crooked smile, or the way she laughs, or the way she sounds.
She doesn’t like the way her body looks. Too short, too skinny, too small.
But what she doesn’t know is that there’s someone out there thinking about her every night before he goes to sleep, making all the scenes in his head where she’s finally his.
He likes her pale face, especially when she applies that red lipstick on her lips, the color compliments her face, making her look so beautiful. He would like to kiss every freckles on her face and kiss those plump lips of hers. Well, only if she lets him.
He likes her eyes, oh boy, does he like her eyes. Especially when she’s out in the sun, and her eyes look brighter than the usual. He could stare so long at those milky brown eyes and completely get lost in them, only if she lets him.
He likes her raven black hair and the way her hair falls down to her breast, framing her beautiful heart-shaped face so perfectly. He likes it even more when she puts her hair in a ponytail, making her look younger. He wonders how it feels like to run his fingers through her hair, oh only if she lets him.
He likes her crooked smile, no, he’s in love with her crooked smile. He thinks she has the kind of smile that could light up the whole world, the kind of smile that could stop any war, even the war he has inside his head. If she lets him, he would try his hardest to make her smile every day.
He likes the way she sounds. Her voice is so melodic and angelic, even when he never hears an angel talks before. He knows even angel doesn’t have that kind of beautiful voice like hers. He also likes the way she laughs, if he could, he would record her laughing and play it again and again, making her laughter the soundtrack of his life, only if she lets him.
He likes her small petite body. He likes how she would always ask for help whenever she wants to take a book from a high shelf. Her small body makes him feel the need to protect her every time. Oh, if only she would allow him to protect her.
But she never knows about that, about a story of a guy who’s completely in love with her. A guy who would give up everything just for her. A story that maybe would give her a happy ending.
She never knows and he never tells.
So she puts her white high heels on her small feet, hoping they would make her look taller.
And he puts his head back on the pillow, dreaming about a girl who is beyond his reach.
Ah, maybe love is meant to be kept alone.
Wednesday, October 7, 2015
Monday, October 5, 2015
A letter to you I would never send
March, 24th 2015.
Maybe one day we'd meet again, when we all have grown up into a different person and maybe I'd tell you everything and when I do tell you, I wouldn't feel anything like I used to. I wouldn't feel a twinge of hurt or sadness whenever I thought about you. I would laugh when I tell you everything, because maybe one day everything would seem so stupid and funny.
Maybe one day we'd meet again, in a cafe, and I am with someone else, and you're with someone else. And I would say hi to you without feeling anything at all, because I'm happy with whoever I am with and I am happy seeing you happy with whoever you're with.
Maybe one day you'd see me the way I used to see yourself, with complete adoration and awe that makes your heart beat faster and fill your stomach with butterflies. Maybe you'd understand why my cheeks flushed whenever you smile at me, because you finally feel the same way I used to feel about you.
Maybe one day you'd feel all those things I used to feel and you'd realize how foolishly in love I was with you back then. You'd realize how much I adored you and how the little things you did make me flush so stupidly and how willingly I wanted to give you everything I had back then but when you realize that, I wouldn't be so in love with you anymore. You'd want to see me and tell me how you've realized everything and how you feel the same away about me but when you do see me, you'd see me happily in love with someone and maybe it'd stop you dead in your track when you see me smiling at him in a sheepish way I used to smile at you. Maybe your stomach would drop when you see me looking at him with all the adoration and love I used to give to you. Maybe your heart would break when you see him making me laugh until my stomach hurts because you never did that to me on purpose. And you would walk away and give up, just like what I did back then. You wouldn't get the chance to say everything you want to say, just like the way I didn't get the chance to say everything to you back then. All your words would be left unsaid, just like how all my words are still left unsaid until now.
Maybe one day you'd finally realized what you had lost when you were too hung up chasing everything else and maybe one day I'd finally realize that I was a fool for spending so much time thinking and dreaming about you.
Maybe one day we'd meet again, when we're different and mature enough to accept everything.
Maybe one day we'd meet again, when we all have grown up into a different person and maybe I'd tell you everything and when I do tell you, I wouldn't feel anything like I used to. I wouldn't feel a twinge of hurt or sadness whenever I thought about you. I would laugh when I tell you everything, because maybe one day everything would seem so stupid and funny.
Maybe one day we'd meet again, in a cafe, and I am with someone else, and you're with someone else. And I would say hi to you without feeling anything at all, because I'm happy with whoever I am with and I am happy seeing you happy with whoever you're with.
Maybe one day you'd see me the way I used to see yourself, with complete adoration and awe that makes your heart beat faster and fill your stomach with butterflies. Maybe you'd understand why my cheeks flushed whenever you smile at me, because you finally feel the same way I used to feel about you.
Maybe one day you'd feel all those things I used to feel and you'd realize how foolishly in love I was with you back then. You'd realize how much I adored you and how the little things you did make me flush so stupidly and how willingly I wanted to give you everything I had back then but when you realize that, I wouldn't be so in love with you anymore. You'd want to see me and tell me how you've realized everything and how you feel the same away about me but when you do see me, you'd see me happily in love with someone and maybe it'd stop you dead in your track when you see me smiling at him in a sheepish way I used to smile at you. Maybe your stomach would drop when you see me looking at him with all the adoration and love I used to give to you. Maybe your heart would break when you see him making me laugh until my stomach hurts because you never did that to me on purpose. And you would walk away and give up, just like what I did back then. You wouldn't get the chance to say everything you want to say, just like the way I didn't get the chance to say everything to you back then. All your words would be left unsaid, just like how all my words are still left unsaid until now.
Maybe one day you'd finally realized what you had lost when you were too hung up chasing everything else and maybe one day I'd finally realize that I was a fool for spending so much time thinking and dreaming about you.
Maybe one day we'd meet again, when we're different and mature enough to accept everything.
Friday, October 2, 2015
The eyes of nights
I always love the moon. The queen of night. The watcher of night. The listener of every man's problems.
And for me, maybe the moon is the witness of the nights where I cry myself to sleep or where I fall asleep smiling like a fool. A witness of the nights where I felt so lonely. A witness of every tiring night I endure.
And the moon is probably the only thing that understands how different people can get at nights. How their thoughts could eat them alive and how hard it is to fall asleep. The moon probably understands how people could feel so empty and lonely at nights.
And maybe the moon understands what I feel now. Maybe it understands what I cannot say in words. Maybe it understands how it feels like to be so empty and scared and confused. Maybe it understands why sometimes I cry myself to sleep at night. Maybe it knows whom I miss at nights. Maybe it knows about all the people I think about most of the nights.
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