"We'll be 87 and I'll still look at you like the stars that shines in the sky"

Is it?

The thing about hearbreak is, no matter how hurt you are or how many times you've been heartbroken before, you'll always keep on wanting more. Because somehow you realize that all the happiness you feel is worth the pain.

But, is temporary happiness worth a long term pain?

Are we alone?

There are milky way, andromeda, cigar galaxy, tadpole galaxy, sombrero galaxy and many more. And each galaxy contains more than billion stars and each also has their own solar system and in that solar system, there are planets. And those galaxies are only in our local group of galaxies or nearest galaxies from our galaxy. As far as I know, there are more than 50 galaxies in our local galaxy and there are more to be discovered. And beyond that, there are more than 150 millions galaxies in this universe with their own stars and planets. 

And then there is earth. The only planet with living things. Or at least that's what people said.

But doesn't the thought of being alone in this big incredible universe scare you? This is a big universe and there are so many endless possibilities, even humans cannot answer so many questions about our universe. There is no technology advanced enough to go beyond our galaxy. The universe is simply endless and the thought of being the only living thing with brain in this universe is somehow scary and... saddening and it makes me feel so small. Are we really alone in this universe?

But the thought of not being the only humans in this universe is scary, too. There is always a possibility that there are people (or something) out there living in their own planet and thinking that they're alone too or maybe there are people (or something) out there living in other galaxy and they now about earth and us and their technology are so developed that they are capable to watch us and set their foot on earth. Maybe they know about us and how we wonder about their existance but they just keep their existance hidden.

It's like we don't want to be alone in this universe and we also don't want to discover the possibily of other living things.

Strike

Because maybe the only way to survive this world is to be a realist. Not a hardcore on, of course. But the type who knows how to put their interest above others. People who only think about what they want to achieve no matter where they are or what their current circumstances are. People who surround themselves with those who can benefit them. And people who know that they can trust no one in this world but themselves. People who know how to depend on no one. People who know when to turn their back on other people and how to leave whenever there is nothing beneficial coming from other people. People who know that nothing is permanent, but permanent interest. Friends and foes, they're not eternal.

People who strive, and when needed, strike.

Stepping away

One step away.
Two steps away.
Three steps away.

She halts.
She waits.
Nothing.

Four steps away.
Five steps away.
Six steps away.

She halts.
Her heart feels heavy.
Nothing.

Seven steps away.
Eight steps away.
Nine steps away.

She halts.
Eyes get teary.
'Ask me to stay,' she whispers.

Ten steps away.
Eleven steps away.
Twelve steps away.

She halts.
She looks back.
Nothing.

She walks away, anyway.

Where are you?

"Where are you?"
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"Where are you?"
"What are you on about? I'm here"
"No, you're not. Where are you?"
"What? Are you drunk? It's me, I'm here"
"No, where are..." she sighs, "Sorry. It's nothing."

And the stars are finally aligned,
Making a perfect constellation,
A galaxy,
A universe,

All in your eyes.

me in this couples of months

Hi! it's been a while since the last time I wrote about my life and I guess this will be a post where I basically write about anything that has been happening and it's going to be a waste of post, I know.

The third semester is not actually that bad. Really. The homework are not that many and I don't really have to stay up late every night doing my homework because guess what?! I am so done with procrastinating and life has been so GREAT since I tried to stop procrastinating things (<< that rhymes!) Like, seriously, why did I ever procrastinate before? How many hours of sleeps have I wasted just because I procrastinate things?  The answer will remain a mystery.

Yeah, uni life has been fine and actually better than the last semester. The only thing I dislike about this semester is the lecturers. Some of them just like to skip classes to do only God-knows-what and once they come they only give a task to everyone and it's basically adding one more problem to everyone's life but me because newsflash, I don't do procrastinate anymore :)

Bragging can be so fun sometimes.

Another thing I don't like about this semester is that my 4 classes start at 8 am. It's a complete struggle. Can you imagine how much effort do I have to put everyday to actually get up from my bed and take a shower and get ready and go to the uni? So many efforts, it's unbelievable.

I know, I like to exaggerate things. That's one of my talents.

Oh by the way, I am so left behind my reading challenge and I don't think I can complete my own challenge this year. It's not that I don't have time, it's just I'm not in the mood to read and whenever I feel like reading, I can't find that one book that makes me want to read again and I do not want to read series or trilogy or anything else, I want a stand-alone book but nothing really catches my eyes. Recommendations are welcomed, though!

Seriously, I am in need of a good book.

Oh! Did I mention that I almost fainted on my first day of period?! Oh god, that was the most painful stomach cramp I had ever experienced in my whole entire life and on scale 1-10, the pain was an absolutely 10. It hurt so much that I almost fainted. At first it was just like another stomach cramp but then it got worse so I decided to drink a pill (I never really drank pills before, only once) and instead of getting better, I got worse. My view started to turn yellow-ish and grey-ish and I was on a motorbike with my boyfriend and thank god we made it to my room, well not really. I puked out the whole instant noodle and the pill in the trash bin in front of my room and it was like the little amount of remaining energy in my body was drained out out of me and I couldn't stop sweating.

Period is a complete disaster. The pain can be so unbearable and I think guys have no rights to say "She's mad, she's on her period". I mean, I am not offended, but if you guys have to go through what we have to go through every month, then maybe you guys will get it why we can be so grumpy and moody sometimes. It's not an unreasonable excuse. It's really reasonable to be grumpy in that time of a month because it hurts and so uncomfortable and everything becomes so annoying.

What else?

Well, life has been really nice to me lately. I feel like everything is finally falling into places. Maybe that's why people need to fall apart first, so that the pieces of them could finally fall into the right places. Now I understand when people say "hang on in there, things will get better". Because it really will. Things get better. You'll get better, so hang on just a little more. Life will always be worth it.

And I really hope everything will stay still at their own places for a very very long time. Fingers crossed, baby. Fingers crossed.

Don't dream

"Why aren't you sleeping?"
"No, I don't want to sleep."
"Why? Oh wait, let me guess... it is because your reality is finally better than your dreams, right? Falling in love makes you feel that."
"Well yes. My reality is better than my nightmares. Wait, nightmares are dreams, too, aren't they? And dreams can come true. That's why I don't want to sleep. I do not want to dream. What if my dream, my nightmare, comes true?"