my very first surgery!

HI!
It's nice to be back home after spending some nights at the hospital! Remember the post I posted here a few days ago about me being so scared? Yeah, I will basically write about that now.

So, there was this weird mole on my lips that just suddenly appeared out of nowhere and my mom decided to get it checked. Long story short, the doctor suspected that I have melanoma, which is a skin cancer, and when I knew there was a possibility of me having cancer, even though it was a very tiny tiny possibility, I went ballistic. I was scared beyond words. The word "cancer" was on my mind every damn time and I was so so terrified. All I thought about were cancer, cancer, chemo, death, loss hair, death and more death. I knew I was overreacting! It was only a tiny mole but still! Cancer was the deadliest disease on earth and to know that I had a possibility of having it, was just so terrifying.

Then, the doctor told me to get the mole removed by having a surgery. And I said yes. I managed to put on a brave face in front of the doctor but once I arrived at home, I cried like a baby. I cried for 3 days straight and I couldn't sleep safe and sound. When it was the night before the surgery, I was staying at the hospital with my mom and I finally told her that I was scared. She told me there was nothing to be scared about and that it didn't hurt. I wanted to believe her and everyone else who had told me that it wouldn't be that hurt but no, I was still scared. I have a small phobia on needles. I hate needles. I hate seeing needles and the thought that they would be using needles and knives to open my lips was scary.

Then, the nurse came to my room to bring me to the surgery room. My heart was beating so fast and I bet the nurse could hear it. Once I entered the surgery room, I almost puked. Needles were everywhere. Knives. Scissors. And everything. I was asked to wear the surgery dress, you know, the typical green dress and a cap that covered my head. And then I lied down on the bed and the doctor came. The doctor was actually pretty nice and friendly so I told him I was scared and he laughed at my face and said "it'd be done before you know it" and I was like "okay, still not helping". And then he injected my lips with a dose of anesthetic and it hurt but well, it didn't hurt like I thought it would be...... And then my lips went numb. Oh, I got my eyes covered by I still could peak a little but of course I closed my eyes.

And then the doctor and his assistants started to work on my lips. It didn't hurt because my lips were numb but I knew there were doing something. I could feel the doctor using knife to cut the mole and I knew when he was sewing my lips with needles but I couldn't feel the pain. When the surgery was going on, the doctor and the assistants were talking about another patient that needed a bone surgery and I was like "CAN YOU GUYS BE FOCUSED ON MY LIPS AND GET IT DONE SOON" I mean, hey my lips were wide open! And the doctor was singing the whole time he worked on my lips! He even asked me some question and I just mumbled some words to him because how was I supposed to answer him when there were needles on my lips?! And then I could feel blood running down from my lips to my lower cheek and to my neck! BLOOD ALL OVER MY NECK AND CHEEK! God. And being the curious self that I was, I decided to take a peak from my blindfold :) And I saw them using knife and needles on me and blood blood blood more blood everywhere. I closed my eyes instantly. And yes, it was done before I knew it. It took only around 10 mins and it didn't hurt at all. Sure, it kind of hurt when my lips weren't numb anymore but to sum it up, my first surgery wasn't that bad. I was just overreacting and overthinking everything.

Now that the mole was gone, my chance of having melanoma is gone, too. I am writing this with bandage on my lips. It was hard for me to drink, eat, and talk for me for a while and I can't even laugh right now. And there would be 2 ugly stitches left on my lips. But well, I couldn't do anything about it. I hope I can cover them with lipstick. lol.