Excerpt from a book I'll never write #16

Maybe we're meant to be or maybe we're not. Maybe you're just a character I met in a few chapters of my book and you never make it till the ending. Maybe a couple years from now, you'll meet another woman and fall in love. Maybe 5 years from now, I'll be attending your wedding party with my very own family and we'll smile at each other and feel nothing at all. Maybe a month from now, we'll be on our own way. But all I know right now is that I'm pretty much in love with you and it'd be such a shame if one day we have to go our separate ways.

Excerpt from a book I'll never write #15

I used to write about him every night. I called him all sort of things; the moon, fire, sea, storm, and book. Looking back at all my writings made me remember how much I used to adore him; his intelligence, his witty comebacks, his laughs. He was my metaphor, the reason why I started to write sad poems. I thought of him as someone who could be so many things. But now, I know better. He is only a boy, not more, not less. He still could be so many things, but I understans that he'd never be something I really need.

Excerpt from a book I'll never write #14

"Right guy at the wrong time" they say. But what if one day you meet again with the right guy at the most perfect time? Will there be another "wrong"?

Silly old me

I've always been so fascinated with love stories ever since I was a kid reading a Little Mermaid story. Until now, I  still find myself addicted to a happy ending love story. My bookshelf is filled with romance books, it's like I could never get bored reading the same description over and over again, the same cliché line about butterflies, sparks, and goosebumps. It's all like that on every love story and yet, I still smile and swoon at the idea of how love should be.

I damn well know that love in real life doesn't even feel half as good as what those stories told me, so I read books instead. I thought that maybe if I couldn't experience a love like that, then I'd bury myself with the idea of it.

When I was a kid, my mom read me all sort of princess stories and I grew up believing that love was the greatest feeling anyone could ever had. I grew up believing that every girl was a princess with a tiara. As a kid, I was so obsessed with love. And now, I've become pessimistic about love. When I was in my first year of junior high, I saw my senior being cheated on. I saw my friend cried her heart out over a boy who dumped her. I saw my bestfriend getting her heart broken by the boy who stole her first kiss. I've grown old enough to know that the concept of love I read is an impossible thing. A lie to keep a kid's mind happy and optimistic while living in this sad world where love is so close to being extinct.

That's why I still read all those love stories after all these time. Because in real life, love doesn't exist and in fantasy world, love exists. If love cannot be great in this real world, at least there is a fantasy world where love could stand tall and that is a place where I would love to stay.

Or maybe I read all those books because there's still a little part of me who's dying to feel like Cinderella. A little part of me who doesn't really grow up and is still hoping to be swept off of her feet. A little part of me who expects too high about love and people. A little part of me who still thinks that love can conquer it all.

A silly part of me.

I really want to write something, anything. I have hundred of messed up words inside my brain that I have arranged into perfect sentences. But somehow they already made my brain their home and it seems like they won't be getting out anytime soon.

And I am too afraid to let them out.

Excerpt from a book I'll never write #13

There's one thing that I know about us; you would always try to prove people wrong and I would always try to prove myself right. One day I told you that I don't believe in love that lasts forever.

And I don't know who's going to win. You proving myself wrong, or me proving myself right?

But, oh, for once I don't mind losing, I don't mind being proved wrong, if I get you as a proof of the love I've been dying to receive.

Maybe I don't want to be loved as much as I want to be understood

Again, it's my thoughts that scare me the most.