Three Days Escape

So I finally got the chance to runaway from uni. It's only for 3 days and I'll go back to reality tomorrow but honestly, going back home is exactly what I needed. Anyway, home is different now. We've moved out and my new home looks nothing like my old one. It's bigger and there are so many windows here and my mom keeps on telling me and my brothers "no light from 6 am to 6 pm" and she said that maybe 232434 times a day. And me and my brother kind of tease her all the time by saying "NO LIGHT NO TV NO AC NO CHARGING PHONES UNTIL 6 PM NO ELECTRICITY!!!! AND LET'S SAVE THE WOOOOORLD" and it's so funny because my brother tried so hard to imitate my mom's voice but its a total failure since his voice has already gone deep (it still surprises me every time I hear my brother speaks) and it just makes me laugh, he sounds like a dying cat instead of my mom. And I like my new room. It has a door that connects my room to our small backyard and there's a chair there and I tried to read books at night in the backyard but there are so many mosquitoes so I ended up going back inside and finishing my book in my room. But I do miss my old posters-covered room in my old home. And also my old bookshelves. But whatever, my new room is cooler. The thing is, I thought I wouldn't like my new home but now, I think I kind of like it. It's still sad to leave my friends from my old neighborhood. We grew up together and I literally spent everyday of my childhood with them. The trees and street lights there watched me grew up until I reached 18. The road there was the road where I first stepped my little feet on, the road where I first learnt how to ride a bicycle, the road where I first got my knees bruised while playing hide and seek with my friends, the road where I first got my love letter (seriously, I found a love letter outside my gate with my name on it and I was afraid of  God knows what and I threw that love letter away. Now I regret not reading it first). Yeah so it's kind of sad to leave my old neighborhood but changes happen all the time and maybe this change won't be so bad at all. After all, home is not about the place and I understand it now. I'm so happy to see my family again and I realize no matter where we live, as long as we are together, it's a home for all of us.

And today (after a very frustrating night and day), I got the chance to meet my friends from high school and like always, it is never a dull time with them. That's what I like about my friends here, I can do everything I want in front of them and I won't feel embarrassed or ashamed. We went to try this new cafe in town and it was great and then we went to a karaoke bar (a place that we visited at least twice a week when we were in the 12th grade just because 12th grade were so tiring). It's great to go back there and recall the time we had spent there. And as usual, we sounded so horrible and totally out of tune but whatever, I got the chance to scream out loud and let everything out and now, my throat hurts a little. I miss singing out loud with them (or more like screaming and shouting together) and dancing like a fool without being afraid to feel embarrassed. I can be my very own self with them. And sometimes, I wonder how can I be so different when I'm back in uni? I can't be my total self when I am around the people from uni, not even the ones who are close to me. At home, I don't even care about what everyone thinks of me. I don't care if someone dislikes or hates me, because I know I have my family and friends whom I believe will never turn their back on me. They've been with me for so many years and never once they betrayed me. But back in uni, I have the urge to make people like me. I don't want anyone to hate me. I don't know whom I can depend myself on and maybe I've learnt to depend only on myself. I don't even know why. Maybe it takes time but how long will it take?

And this is my last day at home and I'm so glad that I ended my short holiday by spending it with my friends and I'm happy to know that the 'I-don't-care-about-what-everyone-thinks' version of me is still living inside of me. Maybe that version of me will only come out when I am at home. Or maybe when someone feels like home to that version.

(I'm actually sad to go back to reality but I know I have to. Bye)