Let that sink in.....
And the question is, what have I achieved so far?
The answer is, I DON'T KNOW. Gosh I am such a failure. I promised myself I would somehow try to be better this year but in my pretty little mind, I have this absolute theory that PROMISES ARE MADE TO BE BROKEN SO I BROKE THE PROMISES I MADE WITH MY OWN FREAKING SELF BECAUSE WHY THE HELL NOT? Sure, I did try to change myself in the beginning of the year. I kept telling myself that I shouldn't complain a lot and it did work for a couple of weeks but then uni started and I was bombed with all those assignments, papers and journals and I started to complain every single damn time. No, I am not joking, my habit of complaining increased 21321325 percent. Every time I got a new assignment, I complained. Every time there was a morning class, I complained. Every time there was a quiz or exam, I complained. I basically complained about every single thing and it's getting pretty annoying even for me. I can't imagine the feelings of the ones who usually listened to my complains, though. It must be so damn annoying and I really want to say thank you for putting up with my shits all these times, you guys don't know how grateful I am to have you guys listen to me all the freaking time.
And by some miracle, I managed to finish the 2nd semester and again, by some miracle, I managed to get a great GPA and for once in my life, I am actually proud of my own scores and grades. It's like all the hard works were all paid off even though the hard works include some complaining and whining and even crying.
And then holiday came. During the holiday, I did........ nothing. Well, if you consider staying up all night, waking up late, watching tv, reading and being lazy are something, then sure, I did a lot during holiday. My holiday was basically me staying up until 5 am doing god-knows-what on my phone (it involved some stalking, chatting, watching and reading) and waking up at 11 pm. A round of applause, please.
But luckily, I still have friends here so I went out sometimes. I went to this new mall in town that has a new starbucks shop and it is actually the one and only starbucks shop in my city and the queue was so long!! And I went to this beach that is so so so beautiful and blue and so calming and soothing and I managed to climb one of the cliffs and to tell you the truth, it was scary. I almost slipped because the rocks were so wet and there was always a big wave so it was a struggle for me and my weak body :) Oh, another reason why I didn't go anywhere this holiday was because my mom needed a surgery and she had to stay at the hospital for a few days but everything's fine now with her.
And now, I am back in my new living building. I had to go back to uni earlier due to some agenda I have to attend and it was still so sad to leave my hometown but I think it'll be easier later, leaving and coming back.
And today is a good day. I just got back from a date and I was tired but happy. We went to the sushi restaurant and I ate 4 plates of sushi. I WAS HUNGRY DO NOT JUDGE ME, OKAY. And we kinda just walked around the mall and he bought me this hat.... I don't know what it is called in english but it's the hat that people usually use to go to the beach? Well yeah, I hope you get the idea. And I had to wear that hat around the mall and it was so embarrassing but who cares?
Well, that sums up my 8 months in 2015. This year doesn't really have any significant differences from the previous years but one think I realize is that I am happier now. The decision of studying abroad is indeed the right decision. Leaving is always hard, but the prizes I got here are great. This city is slowly becoming a new home to me and I accept that gladly. I have finally let go of all the things I cannot have and I am happy in the process of letting go.
It's like I had been holding a rose for a very long time. And the more I tried to hold on, the uglier the rose got and finally, the rose lost its beauty, because my hand was not the place where the rose wanted to be. So I dropped the rose, because I didn't see any beauty in it anymore. I still remember the reasons why I picked that rose, but now, all the reasons were all gone. Disappeared. And my hand is no longer bleeding, and God, does it feel good to let go.
And maybe that's why, if you love roses or any kind of flowers, you don't have to pick them up from the soil because they will eventually lose their beauty. Instead, you let them grow and they will become more beautiful than before. The same thing goes with human, I think. If you love someone, you don't have to think about possession. You have to let them be. You let them grow and in the end, they will be stronger and more beautiful than before.
p.s: so sorry for any grammar mistake because I don't reread this post
p.p.s: I've been spending so many times on tumblr because I have nothing to do and I miss tumblr and I forget how amazing and funny it actually is. So yeah, here's the link to my tumblr and yes, I only reblog.
bye-bye!
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