Slice (Inktober day 31)

This will be my last slice of October. The final slice to complete my inktober's writing challenge. This will be about me.

I had a lot of fun doing this, even though all I write about are mostly fictions and short sentences. I've never written for 30 days straight, so this feels like I've unlocked something in me and I really, really enjoy doing this. Other thing that makes me happy is that this blog is finally alive again!!!! I think I've ditched this blog for Tumblr for too long and it makes me sad but man, I'm happy to be writing in here again. This blog means a lot to me. There are a lot of stories and memories told here and my stories during the Inktober are only some slices of the whole cake.

I'm glad that I decided to join this challenge. Every night I always spare my time to come out with something to write and its fun to create fictional characters and stories; something I rarely do. I might continue to find another challenge to join this November or December because hi I'm back at writing game!!!!!

So yeah here it is; my last slice for this time.

Jolt (Inktober day 30)

She wakes up with a jolt, so does the man sitting next to her and maybe everyone in the plane. It is midnight and all she wants to do is to close her eyes and sleep until she arrives at her hometown, but it's kind of hard to sleep while the plane is having massive turbulance.

"All passengers, we are going to have an emergency land--"

She starts to panic. The turbulance is getting worse and she can feel the plane getting lower and lower and suddenly every memory flashes in front of her eyes: all her birthdays, her family's faces and voices, her precious and fun times with her friends, all of her happy moments shared at home, all the laughters and all the dreams she has not fulfilled yet.

She hears everyone screaming and chanting prayers and her heart is a drum thumping non-stop. Everything starts to hurt, her body feels like burning and she couldn't breathe. She couldn't feel her hands or her feets and she couldn't even hear people's screams anymore.

-----------

'This is it, this is how I'll die. I'm scared.'

'What is next? Do I even deserve a heaven?'

'Why? Why me? Aren't I too young to die? What about my dreams and the future I have planned? I want to achieve more. Please.'

'I still want to stay. God, let me stay."

'Will people remember me? Have I done enough? Have I made my mark?'

'Will people forgive me?'

'I'm sorry.'

'Mom, dad, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. This will hurt you guys so much. I'm sorry I can't come home.'

-----------

Then everything goes black.

Double (Inktober day 29)

Loving is, and always will be, a double-edged sword.

It will always hurt. Always.
So it's better to not hold it at all. 

Gift (Inktober day 28)

"I got you a gift," she says, taking off her coat and glove, happy to finally get back to the comfort of her home and her husband after 3 days of business trip.

"And I got a dinner for two," he replies while helping his wife with her suitcase. "What's my gift?" He wonders. He just got a watch from her for Christmas and his birthday is still on June, so he's curious as to what is this gift for.

"Hmm, let's just eat dinner first. I hope you're cooking for an extra." She smiles cheekily. "Extra? Are we expecting someone? I am not aware of that," he says. He is sure that he doesn't forget anything. He's the type of person who doesn't forget, even the most trivial things. But he doesn't remember her wife saying someone is coming over.

"We do, actually," she replies and looks at him, taking his big, rough hand and put it over her stomach. "We indeed are expecting someone. A new member of our litle family". She couldn't help the smile on her face. Neither could she believe that she's pregnant with a baby after trying for over 3 years. After being diagnosed that the chance for her to bear a baby is so small. She also couldn't hold the laughters that leave her mouth when she sees her husband's face. God, he cried!

"You're pregnant?" He whispers, looking at her eyes for a trance of joke or something but all she does is nod. "My god you're pregnant! This is the best gift ever! But how? When did you find out? Why didn't you tell me earlier? Are you okay? We should go to the hosp--" "Honey, calm down okay?" She says, cutting off his rambling and questioning. "I realized that I have missed my period for 3 months so I decided to get a pregnancy test. I couldn't wait any longer so I did it while I was away and it said I am pregnant! I tried with 4 different tests just to make sure it was right and all are positive. I'm thinking we should visit a doctor tomorrow morning." She anwers.

"Yes, yes we should. Oh my god. I'm going to be a dad. I.. I'm so happy. You don't know how much I love you right now," he says, hugging her so tight she is afraid he might hurt the baby.

"So, I'll be eating for two right now, you better add extra to my dinner."

"Ay ay, captain."

Thunder (Inktober day 27)

Hi. My name's Lizzie and I'm 13 year old. I live with my parents and older brother who is so annoying! They like to tease me about my fear of thunders. I mean, there are a lot of people who are so afraid of thunders, right? It's a normal feeling and fear is normal to. I mean, thunders are so scary! It's like Zeus is mad at us and he decides to throw his lightning bolt to the earth. What is Zeus mad about, anyway? Ha! Silly question. Every god has a valid reason to be mad at human. Even I get mad at humans. Humans are stupid. So it's really reasonable for Zeus to throw us his thunders. Wait, I'm rambling and not making any sense, aren't I? Well the point is I hate thunders but thunders are reasonable. That's life, I guess. You hate something but that something always has a reason for its existence.

Stretch (Inktober day 26)

Have you ever seen the sea stretched out in front of you? How it looks so so wide and endless and how you could get lost in it without someone even finding you again? How it looks so majestic and big and there here you are: so small and little and fragile. The whole ocean could swallow you alive in one wave.

Prickly (Inktober day 25)

Like cactus and rose, I grow prick as a defense mechanism. No one will dare to touch.

Chop (Inktober day 24)

"You gotta chop the woods before they warm you," he says, "Or on the other words, you have to work hard first before you get a privilege of something. Or whatever. I'm not good with motivational words". He continues, not once moving his eyes from his video game.

"Man, you know I've worked hard for it. The woods just so fucking old and sturdy and big. No one would be able to chop it down unless they use some modern tool". Marvin answers, giving his best friend an eye roll.

Marvin did try. Alex knows it all too well.  He was there when he first saw that damn tree and immediately wanted to chop it down. He was there through every step until he was ready and Alex was sure Marvin would chop it in one swing only but boy was he wrong. There were people better than Marvin. There were people more ambitious and stronger than Marvin.

It was still a sore spot to talk about it. Marvin really wanted to get there. But maybe his failure is something we could learn from. I don't know man. I'm not good with words.

Muddy (Inktober day 23)

The roads that have no mud or rocks are no fun to be travelled by. Sure it's hard to get by. You'll get covered in mud or it'll get so bumpy but it's going to be a story worth telling when you're old and grey.

I mean, what are you going to tell your grandchildren if your road is easy?

No fun.

Expensive (Inktober day 22)

My mother used to say that everything that costs me my happiness is expensive and I shouldn't purchase it no matter how much I want it.

I understand now.

Drain (Inktober day 21)

"In your life, you'll meet two kind of people," I say to my 15 year old daughter who's currently crying her heart out since hours ago.

To be honest, having a teenager is quite a challange. You don't know what's on her mind or how her life is at school. You'd never know whether she has enough friends or no friend at all. You don't know what kind of friends she has or who breaks her heart and makes her so pessimistic towards life. You won't understand their problems no matter how much you wanna try. I mean, I've been a teenager before and I always thought my parents didn't understand me.

"The ones who fuel you with happiness and the ones who drain you empty, and it'll be hard to differentiate between those two. But you still have a lot of time ahead of you to learn," I continue, trying so hard to make her stop crying. It's so heartbreaking to see my daughter cry. Someone just broke her heart. Gosh, the first heartbreak is always the worst. Even I can still feel how mine felt like: it felt like that one person took every energy and love I've had, draining and leaving me empty and broken. Like the world stopped spinning on its axis and I kept tumbling down over and over again. But I'm a grown woman now. I got through it and I continue living and being happy again.

"What if the one that fuels you with happiness is also the one who drains you?" She tries to talk through her tears. Her eyes are swollen and red and sad and I wish I could wash her pain away. But I knew better. I've been there, honey.

"Baby, you happiness shouldn't be based on one person only. It's okay to find happiness in people. I find happiness in you and your dad and your sister. But I also find happiness within myself. Find that one spark in you that makes you happy. Surround yourself with your family and bestfriends who will always got your back. Find happiness in every little thing that makes you laugh and you'll never be drained empty."

"But mom, you just don't understand! I love him!" She argues. Oh believe me, I do. I was like you once; thinking that the world was ending when some boy left me.

"Actually, I do," I smile. "My first heartbreak was so bad. I faked being sick so that I could skip school. It felt like everything didn't matter anymore if I didn't have him. But you know what? I got over it and continued living. I learned that there are so many things worth chasing than a boy who broke my heart. And I got to meet your dad, too. And have my two amazing daughters. I know you think you'd build your future with him but darling, you're only 15. You'll face a lot of heartbreaks before you find the one. You'll grow and you'll realize that it's all a part of life. Someday you'll feel so drained and tired but look around and see. There are so many things to be grateful about. You get through it, okay?"

"I'll try. Thanks mom. I love you. But I really need to be alone right now. Please." She mumbles, finally wiping her tears away.

I sigh. No one will understand how a mind of a teenager works. "Okay. I'll be in my bedroom. Just knock if you need me."

"'Kay."

Breakable (Inktober day 20)

I used to think that women are breakable by nature. That our emotions always control us and that makes us so easy to break and damage. That makes us this little creature with weak heart that's so fragile like a fake vase; one touch and we'll break into million pieces.

But as I get older, I know that women are not breakable. Oh, we are so far than that. Women are delicate like the wind on the first day of spring that makes all the flowers bloom in happiness. Women are soft like a new purchased baby blankets. You cannot break wind and you cannot break blankets and that's what women are; unbreakable. We are delicate and soft but delicate and soft are different with breakable.

And even if you break a girl, she'd always find a way to unbreak and heal herself. Women are life givers and healers after all. 

Scorched (Inktober day 19)

Scorched-earth is usually used in military to describe a condition where houses and buildings and areas are destroyed so that the enemy cannot use them. I wonder whether it can also be used as a term to describe a condition where human deliberately ruins themselves or self-destruct so that no enemy can use them. A preventive way to protect one’s self.

Bottles (Inktober day 18)

She's the kind of girl who likes to collect bottles and put letter in it and give it away to the oceans. She's all the cliché you could ever imagine and more. And he's the kind of man who drinks 4 bottles of beer straight without pausing and staying sober even after 5 of it. They complete each other, really. She needs her empty bottles and he provides them all right. 

Swollen (Inktober day 17)

Everything is swollen and aching; my eyes and my feet and my heart. But its nothing new, tho. They'll get tender next morning and 2 days later, they'll go back to normal.

Angular (Inktober day 16)

She is a nightmare comes true or maybe a dream; you choose. Dark brown eyes filled with mischief and secrets no one could ever handle. Pointed nose paired with plump kissable red lips that usually turn into full grin or cold smile. She no longer looks like she was 7 years ago; chubby cheeks and short bob hair. Her face is now sharp and angular and full with certainty and determination. She looks like she's so sure of her future and no one could break it. Framed with dark brown hair that reach the middle of her back, she's your definition of a modern world Aphrodite. So wild and free and alive. One smile and man, you're a goner.

Weak (Inktober day 15)

"Oh gosh, I'm feeling so weak I could literally sleep for 5 days straight," she grumbles, covering her whole body with blanket, "and I'm so hungry, where's the food?"

"Stop exaggerating! It's only a little fever not malaria." I roll my eyes. My girlfriend likes to exaggerate everything. Literally everything, I'm not even kidding. Sometimes it's cute but sometimes it's annoying when she's trying to get people to do something. Tho it always works. "And the food is on the way. I ordered some chinese takeout and chicken soup for you."

"Buuuttt Daviiiiddd, it's not only a fever. My throat hurts, too." She pouts. Today, her lips aren't covered with the usual lipgloss or pink lipstick that she used almost everyday. Her face, too, is bare; free of make-up. I could see her freckles adorning the bridge of her nose and there are two or three pimples on her forehead that she doesn't bother to cover up with whatever she usually uses everyday. She said she hates the way she looks without make up; said she looks pale and ugly. But God, she still looks so effortlessly flawless and beautiful and if it is not for her fever, I would kiss the hell out of her right now. She just looks so perfect, even when she's sick and weak. She'd never be ugly.

"You want me to get you a glass of water?" I ask, "Yes, please," she replies, setting her lips on full grin. She knows damn well that I love that grin so much and she always uses it to get me to be not mad anymore. I've spent 4 years with this girl to know well enough what's going on on that pretty little mind of hers. And I also know that she's actually not as sick or as weak as she makes herself to be. Sure, she has fever but it's the kind of fever that will go away once you drink meds. I know she wants to skip class because she hasn't finished her report yet and she's also avoiding her least favorite professor at college.

I just pretend that I didn't know about it and go along with her little sickness. Because that's what I always do with her: I'll always go along. if I say no, she always has a way to make me say yes. And even if I still say no, she'd still go and do whatever the heck it is that she wants to do. Without me. Without everyone else. Heck, she doesn't need anyone. Tho, I bet on everything I have, she'd never be alone. Everyone loves her silly jokes and contagious laugh. Everyone loves her stories and how her eyes twinkle when she tells them her stories. Everyone loves that bubbly talkative girl who lights up the whole room when she walks in.

Everyone has a weak spot for her.
And she has none.

Clock (Inktober day 14)

Tick-tock
Look at the clock
Don't mock
You're a laughing-stock
To the time on the clock.

Tick-tock
Look at the clock
Put on your socks
And don't forget to block,
Everything you've unblocked

Tick-tock
Look at the clock
It's 2 o'clock
The sky is pitch black,
Please put on your cloak

Tick-tock
Look at the clock
Time to leave this dead bloc
And never come back.
Remember, your heart is forever locked

Tick-tock
Tick-tock

Sprinting,
Running,

Tick-tock
Tick-tock

Haunted,
Tainted,

Tick-tock
Tick-tock

Breathless
Lifeless

Tick-tock
Tick-tock

You'd never win a race against time.

Guarded (Inktober day 13)

She was there,

Behind the walls she built so high,

Behind the door she put 7 locks on,

Behind the windows with with curtains always on.

She was always there,

Watching the world,

Observing the people,

And shying away.

She invited no one in

And answered no knocks.

She had learned her lesson;

To never let anyone in and make it a home.

She knew how it'd go;

Someone would come,

Plant flowers on her castle,

Paint her pictures,

Furnish it beautiful,

Make it warm

But only to leave her cold.

And so she learned her lessons;

That people who come will leave.

So it was always better to not let people in.

And so she learned her lessons;

To stay guarded,

Through the days and the nights.

Whale (Inktober day 12)

I look like a whale.

That's it. That's the post.

Cruel (Inktober day 11)

Dear darling girl, the world is cruel and it will tear you apart sometimes. But you've always got 2 choices:

1. Be more cruel than the world
2. Be kind. Always.

I think maybe I'm 50:50.
Or 60:40. 

Flowing (Inktober day 10)

"Just let it flow," he says, taking a bite of his pizza, "If it is meant to be, it will be," he continues.

"You know, 'just let it flow' is the most cliche things anyone could ever say. I mean, you shouldn't just let everything flow," she argues, "if something bad happens, would you just let it flow? No!"

"I think you should take charge of your own life and not let the wind take you to places. What if you end up in a place you don't even want to? Life isn't about flowing. It's about getting in a goddamn car and drive and drive and drive until you reach your destination. Do not flow and let whatever the hell it is take charge of your life. When something bad happens, then do something and do not just sit there and say 'let it flow, it will eventually go away'. And anyway, who the fuck wants to flow "with the wind" or the "river flow"? That's so stupid," she finally finishes. She doesn't even realize that she was rumbling and vomitting words non-stop while making this weird hand gesture she usually does when she's trying to prove a point.

"Woah damn girl," he replies. "Tell me again why you didn't take psychology as your major? You could own a goddamn motivational tv show."

Precious (Inktober day 9)

She thought the most precious thing that ever existed in this world was poetry; the way the words were knitted together until they became one big sweater that brought her comfort and warmness was all she appreciated about life. But then he came around and she forgot about all the precious poetry she kept hidden under her bed.

'My god, he was so precious,' she thought. And she was sure as hell that she'd spend the rest of her night trying to put him into her poetry; remembering each features of his face so that she could describe them perfectly.

But she had one question: how do you make a poetry about poetry?

Star (Inktober day 8)

The stars shine for no one. They just shine no matter what happens. Even when sometimes the city's blinding lights outshine them, they're still there, shining unforgivingly.

And I think people should be like that, too. That we should shine for no one's sake. That we shine because we want to; not because we are trying to impress people. And when things around us darken, we still shine, even when no one sees us.

Exhausted (Inktober day 7)

July 18, 2018.

Dear diary,

Today has been so exhausting! School ended up late today because mr. mcqueen wanted us all to continue practicing our dialog for the school's drama performance next month! Anyway, I got to play as the main lead!!! Which is so exciting! Mom was so happy when she knew about this that she even bought a new camera to record me on the stage!

But the practice didn't even go well! Some boys were just playing around and they didn't even remember their lines! Boys were so annoying! Why couldn't they behave? I had to repeat my lines over and over again because toby kept messing up his lines! Ugh. I wish I could go to all-girls school just like katie but mom said it was expensive :(((

After the practice, I had to wait for 1 hour before mom picked me mom because she had a flat tire and she needed to replace it. Aaaand you know what else happen??? There was an accident and it made us stuck on a long traffic!!! Ugh!! And I have a lot of homewooorkkkk. I'm so tireeed. I couldn't wait until I grow up and turn 18 like my sister so I could drive my own car and go everywhere I like!

But when I tell my sister I wanted to grow up and be pretty like her, she got so sad. She said I should enjoy my childhood and not wish to grow up. She said being a teenager was so tiring and exhausting and she wished she could just stop existing. I didn't know what she meant because I am only 7.

Everytime I told her I wanted to be like her, she laughed and told me I shouldn't grow up and be like her. I asked her why and she said it was because she was ugly mentally exhausted all the time. I didn't know what mentally exhausted meant, but she was not ugly, she was so pretty, I wanted to be like her. I know what exhausted meant so I guess mentally exhausted wasn't that bad, right? I mean, I feel so exhausted after a long day at school so I think I could handle mentally exhausted. I'll ask mom about it.

---

July 25, 2018

Dear diary,

Today I found my sister drinking a lot of pills. When I asked her whether she was sick or not, she said she was fine and just tired because she couldn't get enough sleep last night. But she looked sick. She looked like she lost a lot of weight and she looked so pale. I was so worried. I didn't like it when my family got sick :(((

I wanted to call mom or dad but josie said she was really fine and she just needed to sleep early. And she did sleep early because she skipped dinner and I told mom and dad that josie was just so tired and exhausted because of school.

I was sad because josie couldn't help me do my math homework. My sister was so good at math. She said math made her feel focused. I told her math made me want to bang my head on the wall.

Anyway, drama practice went well today! toby and other boys finally managed to remember their lines! We were finally getting somewhere! I can't wait to finally perform next month!

---

August 18, 2018.

Dear diary,

The drama went bad. My parents didn't show up because josie was so sick and she was rushed to the hospital. When I got to the hospital, she was sleeping and there was this beeping sound coming from a monitor beside her. There were also a lot of cuts on her wrist that looked so bad.

Today I learned what mentally exhausted meant. Dad told me I should've told him or mom about josie and her pills. About her being so exhausted all the that she wanted to stop existing.

Today I hated Josie. It was because of her that mom and dad didn't show up. And she even made mom cried! But I loved josie, too. She was my sister and sisters should stick together and she promised me to teach me how to wear make-up. I wanted her to be fine and I wanted her to stop being mentally exhausted. I wanted her to bake me cookies again.

Today I also made a promise that I didn't want to be like josie anymore. I didn't want to be mentally exhausted like her. Because I think it's bad and I don't want to sleep at the hospital and I don't want to have ugly red scars on my wrists. 

Drool (Inktober day 6)

"Do you know that you drool when you sleep?", he teases, "Like, a lot. You make lake on your pillows and that smells so bad." He laughs, taking a sip of his coffee that I bet has gone cold.

The fact is, I don't care if I drool. He signed up for this kind of staffs when he said 'I do' four months ago. He knows what it'd be like to spend the rest of his life with me. I drool, so what? He snores, too. Loudly.

"So what? And it's not like you don't drool when you saw me on my best dress last night", I wink.

He reddens and throws his fries at me, "well, what can I say? My wife is drool-worthy."

God, I live for nights like this. For a night where we could just go eat at a diner and tease and laugh and talk. Where we could be silly together like we're still in high school. Where we don't care about the bills or monthly grocery. Where we are just a girl who drools and a boy who snores.

Chicken (Inktober day 5)

I do believe that chickening out is uncool. But really, I do it all the time. I think humans chicken out a lot and maybe that's okay. That's okay to be so afraid of something that you decide to chicken out and not do it even though the whole world is telling you to do it and to take the risk. It's okay to not listen to the world and then back off. It's okay to be scared. To be doubtful. To think twice. To cancel. To let fears take over.

I think that's life. And that's humane: to be scared. But no matter what, you're going to get through it.

Remember, even the chicken crossed that damn road and make it there.

Spell (Inktober day 4)

It is a usual typical Friday night for me; listening to my music while reading my comic books. Unlike most boys my age, I don't like spending my friday nights going to parties or getting drunk. Well, maybe it's because I am never invited but who the hell cares anyway? Well, truthfully maybe I do. I mean, I want to know what parties are like. It seems fun when people are talking about parties and beers at school.

"Dylan!! You're home early!", my 7 year old brother, Miles, says, entering my room without even knocking. Pfft, of course kids don't knock. What do I expect?

"Yeah yeah. School ended early today so here I am" I reply nonchantly. I really want to take a nap but it seems rude to ask Miles to leave.

"Dy, how do you spell 'convalesce'?" Miles asks, grinning. You see, Miles loves spelling bee. He has won a lot of spelling bees competitions and he likes bringing dictionary around. Man, he knows words I don't even know exist.

"Umm.. I don't know is it C-O-N-V-A-L-E-N-C-E?" I try. But knowing my luck (and my brain), I know its wrong. I know the meaning of the word but I don't know how to write it. I mean, who the hell would use that word for a daily conversation? Miles apperently would.

"WRONG!" Miles yells. See? I know I'm wrong. "It's C-O-N-V-A-L-E-S-C-E!! And fyi, it means recovering."

"Oh, I know what it means, you little words maniac!" I say, rolling my eyes at Miles. I don't really care about words. As long as I'm passing English, then I'm fine.

"Now, how do you spell 'acquiesce'?" Miles continues. It's always like this; Miles coming to my room only to test me on my spelling ability. He'd come out with the most ridiculous words that even Shakespeare weren't brave enough to use those words on his plays.

"What the heck does that even mean?" I protest. Never in my life have I heard that word before.

"It means: to accept or to agree or to allow something to happen by staying silent" Miles answers, looking all serious and bussiness-like.

"Wow, Miles, that's a deep word you got there, buddy" I mumble, not really sure how to react. I'd make sure to use that word for my next English paper. I'd be damned if I don't get an A by using that word.

"Okay I'll go easy on ya," Miles says, earning a scowl from me and a pillow thrown directly to his big head.

He laughs, "how do you spell friendship?"

I roll my eyes. "Wow. Friendship. A very hard word, don't you think so, Miles? I probably don't know how to spell it" I reply sarcastically. I couldn't help it. My sarcasms have no age limit. "It's F-R-I-E-N-D-S-H-I-P", I continue. "Wait. Is it correct, o, dear master Miles the Great?"

"You're wrong," Miles whispers. "For me it's N-O-O-N-E".

I stop reading my comic book and stare at my 7 year old brother. Mouth agape and eyes wide open in surprise. I wouldn't have thought that a 7 year old kid could be this... deep with words. God, he has no friends. No one to have fun with at school or playground. All he has is words. And he is lonely.

I look at him. Really look at him and I see a troubled sad face looking back at me. He looks exactly like me; brown hair, brown eyes and freckles. The only difference is that his brown eyes are filled with so much worries and questions. A 7 year old kid shouldn't be allowed to feel this sad. Especially not my brother.

I hug him tight. He is crying. I let him. He is still crying. And I am still hugging him. I cannot cry. I can't.

"Hey you want to play some video game? Let's bet. Winner will get a free ice cream for a week" I finally say after what feels like hours of silence.

Miles steps away from me, wiping his eyes with his sleeves. "Fine. I'll kick your ass at Mario Kart!"

And I let him win. Even if he doesn't win, I'll still buy him ice cream everyday if it makes him happy. Because at this exact time, I promise to protect my brother. To protect his innocence and his love for words and English and spelling. To hell with spending Friday nights partying, I'll spend mine reading dictionary and spelling weird words with my brother.

Roasted (Inktober Day 3)

The second week of winter was always the worst. The snow was unforgivingly cold and was covering all the roads around town. There's no way that someone could be able to drive for the next three days. Alice didn't have any problem with the snow--well except for the fact that her mom kept asking her to shove the snow away for their front porch every morning--, quite contrary, she loved winter and all the tales told during winter.

"We should probably do something other than lounge around and watch netflix", Lara said, crossing her legs in Indian style; something Lara always did whenever she was sitting, be it in a fancy restaurant or class, she always did the Indian style sitting. Always.

"What do you want to do, Lar?" Alice paused, "Oh, I know! Let's bake something! I found this cool recipe for chirstmas cookies and I wanted to try it!"

"Really, Alice? You want to bake? Next thing I'd know you'd put the kitchen on fire!" And Lara was right. Alice watched too many cooking tutorials online and she always thought that it was easy but when she did it in the kitchen... well let's just say it never ended up good. There was a time when Alice called Lara and freaking out about how she almost burned her mother's kitchen down. It was one of many unfortunate events that Alice didn't want to remember.

"Let's just roast marshmallows and make some hot chocolate and then we'll go watch some rom-com." Lara suggested, already walking to the kitchen to get some marshmallows to roast on the fireplace.

Alice rolled her eyes, "you're the one who said we should do something other than lounge around and watch netflix!"

Lara laughed, the kind of laugh that only Lara could do; a mixture of ugly laugh and cute laugh. "Whatever, Alice! And besides, I've got lots and lots of marshmallows that will be expired next month so you better eat up!"

Having been spending a lot of time with Lara, Alice knew how much Lara love roasted foods. She could eat half of the roast turkey by herself during Thanksgiving. She liked going fishing with her dad on the weekend just so that she could roast the fish they had caught by the beach. She also liked camping and sitting around the bonfire to roast corns or sausages or marshmallows. Lara was both an outdoor and indoor person. She could spend a week cooped up inside her house and she could also spend 4 days camping without complaining about anything. That was the thing about Lara; she was either all or nothing kind of person.

"Oh jeez, you weren't kidding when you said you have lots and lots of marshmallows" Alice mumbled, eyeing all the marshmallows packs Lara had on both of her hands.

"Course not. You know I love our roasting marshmallows sessions", Lara grinned, throwing a pack of marshmallows at Alice.

Alice couldn't help but laughed. She, too, loved their roasting marshmallows sessions. Ro-Marsh, they often called it. Rosting marshmellows. They did it so often that they decided to give it a name no one would understand. During the Ro-Marsh session, Lara would talk almost non-stop. She'd talk about everything and sometimes, she forgot that she was roasting a marshmallow and her marshmallow would be so burned and bitter. She'd make stupid jokes, too. Jokes that no one but Alice would laugh at.

Alice would sit with her knees up and listen to Lara, commenting every here and then. Unlike Lara, Alice didn't talk much. She'd just roast and chew her marsmallow while Lara would go on and on about her life.

----

"Alice, you burned your marshmallows again!" Her sister yells, waking her up from her little daydream.

Alice throws away her burned marshmallows. Unlike Lara, she doesn't like burned marshmallows.

Lara. What a memory.

It's been 3 years since Lara left the city. She packed up all her things and went somewhere. Even Alice doesn't know where Lara is right now.

----

"I'm going to an adventure, Al" Lara whispered, a day before she left for good. Alice never saw her this happy before, even she wasn't like this when they were having their Ro-Marsh sessions. There were sparkles on her green eyes and she looked like she was ready to conquer the world. Alice just nodded and said her goodbye. She knew a girl like Alice couldn't hold back a girl like Lara. Someone who was meant to have great adventures all around the world.

----

Sometimes, Alice wonder whether Lara still likes roasting foods or not. Or whether Lara remembers about Alice and their Ro-Marsh sessions. Because Alice does. Marshmallows and corns and sausages and fish always remind her of Lara. And even the burn on her sister's leg reminds her of Lara.

Tranquil (Inktober day 2)

They say tranquility is a state of being; a feeling of peacefullness and calmness and serenity. Basically the counterpart of chaos. People say tranquility can be a place or a person or whatever it is. If it is a place, then I found tranquility at the beach. At the sound of the waves racing to reach the shore. At the sound of the wind playing with the palm trees. At the smell of the salty air I love so much. At the sight of my berefeet burried in the sand. Those are my tranquility. My state of peacefulness.

But what if tranquility is a person? Where do I seek tranquility in a person? Can I find it in my parents? Or brothers? Friends or a lover? It's unsettling for me if I ever find my peacefullness and serenity in a person. In someone who's not permanent. I'd say it's rather stupid to seek peace in a person. What if s/he goes away? Will your serenity go with them? Then what's next? Nothing. Then if tranquility is a person, let it be myself. Let me find peace in myself that makes me grow and happy. Let the serenity be myself so that I don't need to seek confort from others. Let the tranquility be in my heart and soul so I'd never again say hi to my anxiety and uncertainty.

Let peace be me.

Poisonous (Inktober day 1)

"All this time I've always thought that people are poison; that I should stay away from them so that I won't be affected. So that I would be safe. Turns out it is me. It's all on my head. I have a poison I cannot cure inside of me," she whispers. It is past midnight and yet, she's nowhere near sleepy and she puts all the blame on her 3 cups of black coffee that she drank earlier. Or maybe it's just her heart who's awake after so many years of not feeling anything. It is a surprise for herself to know that it is still capable of beating furiously and out of rhyme.

"The poison. It's different. It's not a poison that hurts physically. It's not in my vein or my blood. It's in my brain and my heart, too. It must be poison who makes me into this heartless and bitter person who doesn't really give a damn about her surrounding. It must be poison and it's spreading and I can't help it that I hurt people around me. It's more dangerous that the poison you'd get from snake. It kills me slowly. I don't know when I got it. Maybe it was when dad left. Or maybe it was when I heard mom crying at nights. Or perhaps it's you, too. Yes. You. And all I know is that it's growing within me and I wish I could get them all sucked out of me just like the way doctors cure someone who gets poisoned. I wish someone would cure me,"

"And I'd thought you'd stay long enough because I really did think of you as my antidote when everything gets too much."

For once, she doesn't hold back the river that runs on her cheek. Oh how she wishes everything would stop; that the world would just stop moving and someone would suddenly appear out of nowhere and yell "YOU JUST GOT PUNK'D! IT'S ALL A JOKE! SAY CHEESE TO THE CAMERA OVER THERE!".

Too bad everything is too real. The world would not stop and the person burried 6 feet under the ground in front of her will not come back to cure her. She thought that no matter how harsh the world might get, she'd always have her brother to run to. She thought she doesn't need anyone. No friends. No clubs. No teams. Just a brother. Her cure to her poisonous self. But no. His death only added more poison to her and all she needs is one more pinch of lonely poison to get her rotten.

Well, at least now she knows why the Greeks use one same word to address both poison and medicine. Pharmakon.