dear present me,

Hello, I am you from the past, and technically, you're my future. How are you? How's life so far?

I know your life right now isn't exactly what your past wished to have. Honestly, I expect better. You have so many expectations about living abroad, don't you? You've dreamed of so many good posibilities and experiences, haven't you? Where are they now? The hopes, the dreams? Where are they?

"If your 5 years-old self meet you now, would they be proud of you? Of what you've become?"

Does that question still haunt you the way it did 2 years ago? What's your answer to that question now? Last time I checked, the answer was still no. Have the answer changed?

I know the answer is still no. You still think you've achieved nothing in life. You think if your 5 years old self met you, she would be disappointed of what you have become. You think you are good at nothing and there's nothing to be proud of. I know you still hate looking at the mirror and see the girl staring back at you.

I know you still don't know what you want in life. You still don't know where you're heading to. You don't know what your goal is. You don't know the point of your existance in this world. You still know nothing.

Do you remember what you told me back then? You thanked me because if it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be the way you are right now. And back then, you told yourself to be happy. You thought after everything you've been through, you deserved to be happy. But are you, now? You're technically my future, so as your past, I am asking you, are you happy with who you are right now? Did your past not suffer enough pain?

Dear present me, whatever and wherever you are right now, you need to appreciate things more. Your life right now is what some people dream to have. So many people out there want to live the life you're living and know that some people have it worse than you. I know you feel like life is being so unfair, but that's life. Life is so unfair to everyone and that's what makes life fair. It's unfair to everyone.

Dear present me, do you remember your dream back then? You wrote in your diary that one day you want to look back into the past and say "Hi, look at me now. You've made it." Now, have you made it?

Dear present me, you damn well know that people come and go, I know you think your happiness only comes from you, but you need to know that sometimes, you have to let other people make you happy. Look at the moon, without the stars, the moon wouldn't be shining that bright. And the same goes to you. It's okay to let someone in. It's okay.

Dear present me, no matter where you end up in life, know that you'll have someone who's always be proud of who you are, so stop comparing yourself to others and stop thinking that everyone is better than you.

Dear present me, I'm begging you, please forget me. I'm your past and I know what I did back then made you who you are right now, but forget me. I am only your past. You may remember me once in a blue moon, but I exist not to be grieved. I exist to make you realize that no matter how hard life may be, you'd always be able to pass it. Just like the way you passed me before. Put me into a box and put it under your bed and let me stay there for a while and I hope one day, you'd open that box and feel no pain at all. You'd open that box and finally say, "Hi, I finally made it."