what do you call a post that explains about your life's goal that you know would never happen?

It amazes me how a person can stay forever with another person for the rest of their life.
What amazes me more is that there is a possibility that I will spend the rest of my life with someone. Like I will be a wife and I will have children and a home and everything else. HOW AMAZING IS THAT?
Like you just wake up and turn your head and then boom, the very first thing you see is the face of someone you love. And, the last thing you see before you go to sleep is also the face of someone you love. It's amazing. Or at least my imagination of it seems amazing.

But the question is, doesn't it get so tiring sometimes?
If I get to spend the rest of my life with someone whom I love and claim to love me back, will he not get tired of me? Will he be able to handle my selfishness, my mood swings and all of my other flaws? Like we will be living under one roof. ONE FREAKING ROOM AND ONE BED LET ME MAKE IT CLEAR ONCE AGAIN WE WILL BE SLEEPING IN THE SAME BED FOR THE REST OF OUR LIFE HOW IS HE SUPPOSED TO DEAL WITH ME EVERYDAY I CANNOT EVEN DEAL WITH MYSELF SOMETIMES AND I GET SO TIRED OF MY OWN SELF TOO.

Okay. You get my point.

Like, you two will have dinner together for almost every night. You will do almost everything together. Watch tv. Cuddle. Breakfast. Sleep and so on so on. The worst thing is that I'm sure I will complicate simple thing and make a lot of dramas out of it then it will lead to nothing but a fight and I will end up running away from the problems just like I always do now. But the difference is I cannot run away anymore. Why? BECAUSE I LITERALLY LIVE WITH THE ONE I AM FIGHTING WITH AND IF I RUN AWAY WHERE WILL I SLEEP? HOMELESS? NAH NAH NAH. ((Or maybe I can kick my husband out of OUR home because that's how selfish I am. I pity a man who's going to be my hubby. I mean, hey it's me. No one wants to spend the rest of his life with me because I'm just so ew and he is probably so aw and he just volunteers to be my husband and it's like volunteering himself to join The Hunger Games. I will be forever thanking the God and him)).

The problem is, I don't think I can be mature enough to solve a problem like an adult I should be. I hate problems. And if I have one, I will either stress my self out until I forget about it or act as if nothing happens. Both are the way teenager solves a problem. I cannot sit and discuss the problem so carefully, I will end up in tears and I will look so ugly and just so ugh. And that's why sometimes I think no one could handle to stay with me for such a very long time. I am a mess. I am immature. I am selfish. I am childish. I am moody and how can one person handle such flaws? And will it be worth the pain, to stay with someone even if you're not even in love with him anymore? I've seen people getting married. I've seen people in love. But I've also seen married couples fight and get divorced. Why a divorce? Because they're not as much in love as when they were young. Once again, call me a pessimist, but love will not last. It was good at first but it will die, just like everything else in this world.

And I think the only reason why marriage lasts is because one is so selfless and mature that he/she always lets their partner win, not because of love, but because of something else. Their children, perhaps. Or their status in society.

But still, there is a part in me that whispers so quietly that maybe, love and only love can make people stay forever. I mean, it's amazing to come home from a long and tiring day at work and then curl up in the arms of someone you truly and deeply in love with. It's amazing to cook foods for your husband and lounge together on the sofa and watch tv and do other stuffs happy couples do. And what makes it more amazing is that you do that because you want to, you do that because you feel so comfortable and safe at those arms, you cook because you want to please him and make him happy, not because you think it's a routine you have to do everyday.

And even if that kind of love exists, I don't think I'll get to experience it. Or maybe I will. Oh God, do I wish to have that kind of love in my life.